Fun with Children’s Television
August 30, 2011 at 1:45 pm | Posted in Pop Culture, The Cutlet | 1 CommentTags: Nick Jr., Sprout
Since we have a toddler at home, this means that our TV watching has changed a bit. Instead of scanning the cable guide for shows that might entertain us, we have to look for shows that will entertain our daughter. As a result, we spend a lot of time watching children’s programming on both Sprout and Nick Jr.
Some of these shows are tolerable, even enjoyable at times. Others…not so much.
Here’s a quick rundown of some of the shows that we’ve become familiar with:
Dora the Explorer
I’m sure most of you are at least familiar with the concept of this show. Every episode, Dora has some sort of quest that she has to complete. It’s never made clear as to why a young girl is undertaking dangerous quests through treacherous terrain without adult supervision.
I’m not kidding when I say that the terrain is treacherous. Dora might need to really reconsider where she lives, since there seems to be no shortage of troll bridges, waterfalls, and volcanoes nearby.
For some reason, she also tolerates a fox named Swiper who steals stuff from her in every episode. You’d think that they’d have figured out a way to deal with Swiper by now, but he’s back each show to mess with them some more. I realize this is a children’s show, but even Dora’s got to have her limits, right?
She has a magic backpack which can provide her whatever she needs (which, by the way seems kinda like cheating to me) so when is Dora going to wise up and pull a gun out of the backpack and just shoot the stupid fox?
The Fresh Beat Band
Four energetic teens play together in a band. They wear colorful costumes and make feel good music that all the kids can enjoy. Along the way, they typically run into some sort of goofy circumstance that might prevent them from putting on their show.
But by show’s end, they always manage to find a way to entertain the crowd. To show appreciation, the crowd usually participates in an elaborate song and dance routine.
A couple of things bother me about the show:
- The girls in the band have regular enough name: Mirena and Kiki. But the guys are named Twist and Shout. I’m assuming these are nicknames, but it leaves one to wonder why only the guys got nicknames.
- I’m also distracted by the fact that Twist looks a lot like WWE wrestler Jack Swagger and Shout resembles Jaleel White.
Surprisingly, the guy on the left is the one who used to be WWE Champion. Man, Urkel is looking pretty badass these days.
Ni Hao Kai-Lan
Or as I like to call it, Asian Dora. In theory, this show is about a young Chinese girl who gets into fun adventures with her animal friends. Sounds like fun, right?
Except what really happens is that Kai-Lan tries to have a good time, only to have things ruined because her friends whine too much. These characters are some of the whiniest that you’ll find on TV. Kai-Lan really needs to find some new friends, because they’re really dragging her down.
The worst of the group is probably Rintoo the Tiger. He’s the most athletic of the group and he either offends the others by showing off how much faster he is than them, or he’s getting pissed off because nobody is paying him any attention.
Rintoo reminds me of some kids I used to play with in little league. They might have been the most talented players, but they could also be huge detriments to the team because they were prone to mental breakdowns if things didn’t go their way. It’s really uncomfortable in a little league dugout when your teammate starts crying because he struck out.
I bet Terrell Owens was just like Rintoo when he was younger. You think it was a coincidence that Owens played for the Bengals last year? Yeah, probably.
Thomas and Friends
Thomas is a living steam engine on the island of Sodor, and he and his fellow train buddies get mixed up in all sorts of fun adventures.
My nephews love the show. I’ve watched it a few times, and I have to say: The trains are kinda creepy. Look at these things!
Maybe the appeal of watching the show is wondering if each episode will be the one where the trains finally revolt against their human overlords and go on a murderous rampage.
Also, the show is narrated by George Carlin, and that makes me laugh every time.
Yo Gabba Gabba
I really have no idea what is going on in this show.
A human named DJ Lance Rock has a bunch of toys that come alive. The toys then sing, dance, and learn important life lessons about sharing and the like. The show often features guest stars such as Biz Markie and Andy Samberg. They also have musical performances by indie bands. The basic premise of the show seems to be to present the audience with as many bright colors and loud noises as possible.
Not surprisingly, the show is very popular with potheads.
Yes, it is as weird as it looks.
Blue’s Clues
The show is about a guy named Steve (later replaced by his “brother” Joe) and his dog Blue. A typical episode features a puzzle which Steve must solve, and Blue sends him clues via paw prints on objects. Steve must locate all the clues and solve the puzzle.
I understand that the point of the show is that the audience can help figure out what the clues mean and solve the puzzle. So obviously, they can’t have Steve just figuring everything out immediately.
But man, Steve comes off as such an idiot. I think he’s supposed to come off as childike, but I think it plays more like functionally retarded.
I mean, just take a look at how he dresses:
And he wears that in every episode. That just isn’t right.
Calliou
I’ve saved the best for last.
Caillou comes on at 7:30, which is generally when the Cutlet takes her evening bottle. While giving her the final bottle, we often allow her to watch a little bit of TV. As a result, the show we watch the most is Calliou.
We now have this song deeply engraved into our brains:
For those of you who wisely did not watch that video, the basic premise is that Caillou is a four year old with a strong imagination.
There are a few questions that need answering about the show:
- Why is Caillou bald?
Thanks to some dilligent research, I found the answer to this question. Apparently, the show was originally based on books in which the character was much younger. For the cartoon, they aged him to four, but wanted to have him retain the same basic look. Hence, the lack of hair.
- Why does there seem to be a cloudy white border around the frame at times?
It’s what you would expect to see during a dream sequence, and it would make sense if they only used it when Caillou was fantasizing about something. But they use it during the real world segments, and it isn’t consistent at all.
- Why does Caillou’s grandfather look like George W. Bush? (Watch the end of the theme song to see what he looks like)
The show’s creators were Canadian, so maybe this was a parody? Except the grandfather is quite wise and caring, so that doesn’t seem right. Maybe it’s just a big coincidence?
Taken in small doses the show isn’t that bad. It teaches lessons about sharing and family and I suppose that these are important lessons for children to learn.
The problem is that Sprout doesn’t seem to have too many episodes on hand, and they keep repeating the same ones over again. And since we watch the show most days, I’ve seen some of the episodes enough times that I practically have them memorized. If I have to watch Calliou learn about magnets or fire safety again, I think I might lose it.
Sadly, as the Cutlet grows older, this problem is only going to get worse. She’s going to start developing her own tastes, and inevitably she’ll want to watch the same shows OVER and OVER.
I just hope she doesn’t grow to love Calliou too much. I really don’t think I can take much more of that.
The Leg and the Cricket
August 19, 2011 at 4:12 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a commentI’ve had some trouble sleeping this week.
Since I am the parent of a young child, that shouldn’t seem all that surprising. But the Cutlet is not to blame for my lack of sleep. She has actually been sleeping rather well this week.
In the past, I have had some sleepless nights brought about thanks to our upstairs neighbors. But they are not the cause of my poor sleep this week either.
No, the primary causes of my sleeplessness this week have been my leg and a cricket.
Last Sunday, during my kickball game, I was running towards second base. The fielder had a chance to get me out, so I slid to the ground to avoid a potential pegging. While I successfully dodged the ball, I did manage to scrape up my leg fairly nicely.
Earlier in the year, I played on the same field and when sliding into second base, my wedding ring popped off. We had thought it was lost forvever, but fortunately it was found by one of our teammates two weeks later.
Mrs. Cutter has urged me to no longer slide when playing kickball.
I didn’t think the scrape was that bad as it wasn’t especially painful at first. When I got home, I washed it off pretty well and rubbed some Neosporin over it. But as the night progressed, it began to really start to throb with pain.
In the middle of the night, I awoke in agony as every movement I made with my leg seemed to cause waves of pain. I had to get up, make a pseudo bandage out of gauze and take an extra strength ibuprofen simply so I could get back to sleep.
The following night went a little better as I went to bed with the leg pre-bandaged. This helped prevent my leg from scraping against the sheets. While this was a significant improvement, it still wasn’t the most restful of sleep.
But it was still better than Tuesday night when I encountered another obstacle in my path to a good night’s sleep.
I had been sleeping on my back to alleviate some of the leg pain. As a result, I began to snore.
Mrs. Cutter doesn’t like snoring. She has an irrational hatred of it, and apparently, anyone snoring within a one-mile radius of her keeps her awake. In turn, she begins to flip over and make annoyed groans. When the person sleeping next to you makes such a display of annoyance, it can disturb your sleep. Fortunately, she eventually left the room to try her luck sleeping on the couch.
I’m not sure exactly how long she stayed there. I only know that at some point she came back to our room, only to later spring out of bed in search of a cricket which had taken up residence in our bedroom and was loudly chirping..
I am far from a sound sleeper, but for some reason, Mrs. Cutter seemed to think that I would be able to sleep through her madly searching around the room for the cricket. Sleeping was made even more difficult when she decided to use a flashlight to aid her in the search.
Eventually, she gave up, but by this point, I was wide awake. When I tried to get back to sleep, all I could think about was the chirping of the cricket.
Despite Mrs. Cutter’s protests, I typically try to keep insects alive, choosing to throw them outside rather than killing them. But when an insect makes my life difficult or starts interfering with my ability to sleep…well, then it’s a different story. Since this particular cricket was keeping me awake at 3 AM, I decided that Jiminy was gonna die.
We finally located the little noisemaker, and unfortunately, he was holed up in a crevice in a door frame. I tried poking some objects into the crevice but we could not get to him.
I asked Mrs. Cutter if we had any bug spray. All we had on hand was some Raid spray designed to kill ants and roaches. I figured that with a lack of better alternatives, it was worth a try. Apparently, even if the poison is designed for ants and roaches, crickets don’t fare too well when they get a faceful of the stuff. Our bedroom was returned to silence.
Of course, after all the excitement, it took me awhile to get back to sleep.
So what have I learned from all this:
1. Sliding in kickball may be a mistake. Sadly, I’ll probably eventually do it again.
2. Pouring Hydrogen Peroxide in a wound can be painful.
Actually, just about anything you do with a large wound can be painful, including: Pulling off gauze that has become stuck to it, rubbing Neosporin on it, and having the hem of your shorts rub against it.
I’ve been doing my best to keep it from becoming infected. I think I’m going to have the blondest leg hair ever thanks to the copious amounts of Peroxide I’ve poured down my leg.
3. “For better or for worse” includes dealing with your insane wife who can’t sleep if there is any noise in the room whatsoever.
If anyone wants to know what true love is, it probably involves hunting down a cricket at 3:30 AM because the chirping is keeping your wife – and by extension, you – awake. And then being able to laugh about it the next day.
And to her credit, she did say she’d stay with me even if my leg rotted off. So there’s that. But she really wants me to stop sliding.
Our Weekend of Fun!
August 3, 2011 at 3:32 pm | Posted in Trips and Events | Leave a commentTags: Dorney Park, Herr's Factory Tour
On Saturday, Mrs. Cutter and I ventured up to Pennsylvania. We would be visiting my parents as well as partaking in some fun activities which we had been planning for years.
After our arrival, we went out shopping with the intent of purchasing an Eagles cheerleader outfit for the Cutlet. She had one last year, but that has obviously long been outgrown.
Surprisingly, Babies R Us didn’t have any Eagles merchandise in the store. I don’t know if they had been waiting for the end of the NFL lockout, but all they had were Phillies clothes.
Of course that didn’t stop us from spending money there. Remember, when it comes to these baby stores, nobody gets out alive.
We also stopped at a children’s shoe store named Olly to look for some much-needed shoes for the Cutlet. Her old shoes were getting too small, and now that she’s fully mobile, a nice pair of shoes is a necessity.
You might think that since toddler shoes are so small that they’d be inexpensive. You’d be wrong. Mrs. Cutter defends the price by saying how adorable they are. But this doesn’t take into account the cardinal rule of little girls’ clothing: It’s all adorable! Seriously, it’s near impossible to find clothing for a little girl that isn’t cute. Therefore, adorableness should not be a motivation for purchase.
Unfortunately, the shoes were necessary, and to be fair, the Cutlet does indeed look adorable while wearing them.
On Sunday, we figured that the Cutlet would enjoy spending the day with her grandparents. Or at least that’s what we told ourselves as we left her behind and went to Dorney Park.
Dorney Park is an amusement park near Philadelphia. I went there several times as a child, but hadn’t been back since the day before I left for my freshman year of college. I got a really blotchy sunburn that day that made my freshmen year roommates think I might have a skin condition.
Obviously things have changed greatly since then. I barely recognized many of the rides they have there now.
I got to put another entry in the “Wow, I’m old” file. Back in the day, I remember them raving about their new attraction: A giant wooden coaster named Hercules. Well, apparently, Hercules was torn down a few years ago and replaced by a new ride called Hydra.
One thing that had certainly changed was the price. While I’m sure it wasn’t cheap back in the day, it is very expensive now. Between the $15 parking, the $85 admission for two, and then the $17 locker rental fee, we had already spent a lot of money before even doing anything.
Later on, we had lunch at Subway, and a foot long sub, chips, and a drink cost us over $18. For that price, you might expect to get the best sub you’ve ever had. The sub we received fell far short of that standard.
In recent years, when Mrs. Cutter and I have gone to amusements parks, we’ve tried to go on weekdays, to avoid the weekend crowds. We were a bit worried about how crowded it would be, but our fears were largely assuaged. It seemed like most of the crowd had understandably headed to the water park. And while the lines to some of the water slides were lengthy, the non-water rides weren’t bad at all.
Perhaps the highlight was riding the large steel coaster Steel Force. It’s a fun coaster, but the ride was made much more memorable by the girl behind us screaming “F*** my life!” throughout the whole ride. When we rode it for a second time, the fun was somewhat diminished without the soundtrack.
We wanted to ride the Possessed coaster, but once we got strapped into our seats, the computer malfunctioned. Unfortunately, they couldn’t let us out of our seats until maintenance came to look at it. So we had a fun ten minutes of just sitting in the ride, unable to move.
Eventually maintenance did show up and said the ride was safe to operate, but Mrs. Cutter and I both decided to get off and let other people test out just how true that was. We moved on to other rides instead.
One good thing about going to water parks is that it usually makes you feel better about yourself. You’re sure to see unattractive, overweight people wearing bathing suits that don’t quite it them well. This trip certainly didn’t disappoint in that department.
We only hit a couple of the water slides, since the lines for those were quite lengthy in some cases. But we did get on our fair share of water rides and spent some time in the wave pool. Although I don’t know if the wave pool is an apt name for it, since there didn’t seem to be any waves actually being generated.
There were a lot of people in that pool though. We might have been more turned off by the mass of humanity if not for the fact that we spend most weekends in our condo’s kiddie pool. As a bonus, we got to see a few get kicked out for blatantly disobeying a lifeguard’s instructions not to jump in off the side. So that was cool.
After a short stay in the wave pool, we decided we had enough, got changed and headed home to see how the Cutlet had done with her grandparents. We are happy to report that all had a good time together. My parents got to witness firsthand just how much the Cutlet likes to eat, as she had quite a large lunch.
To return home, we usually pass through Nottingham, PA, which is the home of the Herr’s potato chip company. Every time we go, we see signs for their factory tour. We have always said that we wanted to go on the tour one day, but we had never actually done so. The biggest obstacle is that the tour does not run on weekends.
But since we were headed home on a Monday, our opportunity was finally here. We expected to be just about the only people on the tour, but to our surprise, the tour is quite the popular attraction, and there were a few groups present that day.
The first part of a tour involved watching a movie about the history of the company. Unfortunately, the Cutlet was not quite as enthralled by the history of Herr’s potato chips as we were. Even an appearance by the company’s chipmunk mascot Chipper couldn’t hold her attention for too long.
What she wanted to do was walk around and climb stairs. Fortunately, we don’t have any stairs in our condo, but she apparently she figured out how to climb them at my parents’ house, and enjoyed doing it. Now, whenever she sees stairs, she runs over to them and begins to ascend.
We were brought around to the various departments to see popcorn, corn chips, and potato chips being made. It certainly smelled quite nice in there. Naturally, at the end of the tour we got to try a few samples fresh off the factory floor. The Cutlet greatly enjoyed those, and probably would have kept on eating them had we let her.
So did the factory tour live up to the expectations we placed on it? Not really, but I’m still glad we finally did it. And maybe when she’s older and can appreciate it more, we’ll take the Cutlet back.
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