The Cutter Rambles

The Hamburglar: Scourge of McDonaldland

Today’s topic was supplied to me by Squinty.  So you have him to blame for what follows.

Earlier this month, he asked me how the Hamburglar has managed to remain free for so many years.

This is a good question.  According to Wikipedia, the Hamburglar debuted in 1971.  So the guy’s been out there for over 40 years stealing hamburgers.  Yet nobody has done anything about this?

Well, I decided to look up some history on the Hamburglar to see if there was some explanation.

Apparently, when he first debuted, he was called The Lone Jogger:

Sadly, the fact that he’s called The Lone Jogger isn’t nearly the most unusual thing about that commercial.  If I was a child watching this, I think I’d be scared to eat at McDonald’s so as not to be attacked by the evil clown and his freak show friends.

Anyone familiar with the politics of McDonaldland (and who isn’t?) knows that Mayor McCheese is the elected leader of the town.  So why has McCheese allowed a known criminal to run free for all of these years?  Is he simply an incompetent leader?  Or is there a more sinister explanation?

It’s quite obvious that despite his political standing, Mayor McCheese is not actually the man (burger?) running things in McDonaldland.  He’s clearly just a puppet for the real power broker: Ronald McDonald.  And who is the man who always manages to stop the Hamburglar and end up looking like a hero?  That’s right, Ronald.

Is it possible that Ronald has told McCheese to allow the Hamburglar to run free so that he can continue to serve as town hero?  Is the Hamburglar simply a pawn in Ronald McDonald’s quest to hold on to his popularity and influence?

Fans of the movie Mystery Men might recognize this plot.  In the movie, Captain Amazing manipulates the judicial system so that his arch-nemesis Casanova Frankenstein is set free.

That was a strange movie.  Perhaps the strangest aspect of the film is that Janeane Garofalo was inexplicably kind of looking hot.  Also, Pee Wee Herman had a starring role.

As for the Hamburglar, perhaps there’s a more benign explanation aside from civil corruption.  Take a good look at the Hamburglar:

He always dresses in an outfit which looks like a Halloween costume.  He is obsessed with a particular food item.  He doesn’t seem to be able to speak in full words.

There’s a good chance that the Hamburglar not really a malevolent force.  More likely, he is simply a mentally challenged individual.  And the kind people of McDonaldland, knowing he is no real threat, simply indulge him in his games.

I’ve got to say, that’s very nice of them.  Perhaps we could all learn something from the citizens of McDonaldland.

And what do you know?  Apparently, just last month, the Hamburglar was arrested:

http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2011/11/23/Hamburglar-turns-self-in-to-police/UPI-67561322084496/

I guess we can all rest a little easier tonight.