Reasons to Be Excited About the Super Bowl
January 31, 2012 at 11:43 am | Posted in Sports | Leave a commentTags: Chappelle's Show, Super Bowl, Victor Cruz
On Sunday, the NFL will hold its championship game, more commonly known as the Super Bowl.
In this year’s game, the Patriots from New England will be facing the Giants from New York. And by New York, of course I mean New Jersey.
As an Eagles fan, I have good reason to dislike both teams. In past years, this matchup would have left me bitter and angry.
But I realized that sports hate never got me anywhere in life. So instead of being mad about the game, I’m going to do my best to look on the bright side of things.
So I’ll share with you a series of reasons to be excited about the game, even if you really don’t want to see either team win.
Reason 1: Victor Cruz
Victor Cruz is a wide receiver for the Giants. Despite being an unknown heading into the season, he had an impressive showing, racking up 1536 yards with 9 touchdowns.
The Giants offensive strategy seems to be “Eli’s going to throw the ball in the general direction of a receiver and hope he catches it.” This worked really well when they had Plaxico Burress, who seemed to come down with every jump ball. But in the years since Burress idiotically shot himself in the leg, their offense has struggled somewhat.
But then all of a sudden, Cruz came out of nowhere and started coming down with Eli’s heaves. Not coincidentally, the Giants offense became effective again.
He also does a salsa dance when he scores a touchdown:
I’m sure that’s all well and good if you’re a Giants fan. But the reason I like him is because he looks like Dave Chappelle:
When watching this interview, I keep expecting him to start talking like Tyrone Biggums:
Cruz could easily become my favorite NFL player ever (Sorry, Roger Ruzek!) if he just said this quote:
“Who are the five greatest wide receivers of all time? Think about it. Victor. Victor. Victor. Victor. And Victor. Because I spit hot fire!”
Speaking of Chappelle’s Show, the first time I ever watched it was immediately after 2004 Super Bowl. Now there was a Super Bowl that I was pissed off about. That should have been the Eagles’ year to win.
I almost didn’t even watch the game, and it turned out to be a crappy 90′s style blowout. But Chappelle’s Show? That was hilarious!
The Movement: Part II
January 24, 2012 at 10:06 am | Posted in The Cutlet | Leave a commentAnd now, for the second time in this blog’s history, I shall discuss a bowel movement by my daughter.
For those of you who might find this subject matter distasteful, you can skip ahead to the end of the post where I will provide a fun video.
Also, for those of you on my kickball team, I took most of this directly from last week’s recap, so I apologize if you’re reading this for a second time.
But now, on with the story!
I think we’d all like to believe that when faced with adversity or some sort of horrific situation that we’d react with bravery and conviction. It is for that very reason that many people condemn Mike McQueary for not doing more to stop Jerry Sandusky when he spotted him in the shower.
The other night, I was faced with a crisis of my own and sadly, I didn’t react well.
Mrs. Cutter was at a yoga class, so I was alone with the Cutlet. As part of our nightly routine, I would be required to give the Cutlet a bath. The bath went well enough at first. I washed and shampooed her, and she was happily playing with bath toys and splashing around.
Everything seemed just fine, so I suppose I kind of tuned out for a little bit.
And then, I heard grunting. I looked over, and there were a couple of objects floating in the water. The Cutlet has bath toys that she plays with, but these objects were definitely not bath toys.
For fans of the movie Caddyshack, it was kind of like when the Baby Ruth was in the pool:
I think Hulk Hogan could best sum up the situation (forward to about 1:50):
I just kind of stared at it for a few seconds. Then, I let out an anguished stream of “No”s that would put Shia LaBeouf’s performance in Transformers to shame:
Finally, I acted. Much to her displeasure, I grabbed the Cutlet and yanked her out of the tub, trying to make sure that she did not get any of the fecal matter on her. She was now lying on a towel crying, and I kept looking back and forth between the crying toddler and the tub containing poop which was beginning to fragment.
I realized my first order of business was to dry and diaper my child so that no more biological elements could be added to the mix.
Once she was in her diaper, I began the unpleasant task of trying to clean up the tub. Using the special holographic WWE Slurpee cup which we use to bathe the Cutlet, I scooped out as much as I could and dumped it into the toilet.
Naturally, the Cutlet became quite curious about what her father was doing in the bathroom and came in to investigate. I tried sending her away, but then she came back with a book which she insisted I read to her.
I had to take her back out of the bathroom and find something that would occupy her. Finally I was able to distract her with her Leap Frog Explorer pad long enough for me to finish the clean up.
I got most of the mess scooped out and then ran hot water on the remaining fragments until they dissolved. I sadly had to throw out the various bath toys, along with the floor mat and the Slurpee cup. (Farewell, Triple H!)
A heavy dose of bathroom cleaner later, and there was no evidence that anything bad had happened. Of course, I would still have to live with the mental scars.
On Friday, I was once again left to bathe the Cutlet by myself. I warned her that if we had a repeat performance, then I was leaving her in the tub and never bathing her again.
Fortunately, that night’s bath went without incident.
And now, as promised, here is a fun video!
Tales from the Left Side of the Road
January 19, 2012 at 12:27 pm | Posted in Trips and Events | Leave a commentTags: Dulles, Grand Cayman, Pepco, Waffle Crisp
Last week, the in-laws invited Mrs. Cutter, the Cutlet, and myself to spend a week with them at their timeshare in Grand Cayman.
On the surface, this sounded like a wonderful opportunity. Instead of freezing through the January weather, we’d get to enjoy a week of warm temperatures and fun activities.
We only had one concern: How would the Cutlet respond to being away from home for an entire week? While she had been good when travelling in the past, those were shorter trips usually to a relative’s home. This would be a whole different scenario, and we were scared to think what would happen if she wasn’t happy.
But thankfully, all went (for the most part) well. Here is a brief recapping of the trip:
Dulles Airport: Not for the timid
Our journey didn’t get off to a promising start. But that was to be expected as we were flying out of Dulles, and it’s nearly impossible to fly out of there without some sort of problem.
Since we were travelling for a week with a toddler, that meant that we brought along a large amount of luggage. I had to deal with three large suitcases, three carry-on bags, a stroller, and a car seat. These all had to be taken out of the car, loaded onto the parking shuttle bus, and then unloaded at the terminal.
After all of this loading and unloading was complete, I looked around and asked, “Where’s the black bag?”
I then remembered that I had originally placed one of our bags in the back seat of the car, and not in the trunk with the others. So while Mrs. Cutter took the Cutlet through security, I had to board another shuttle, return to the parking lot, and retrieve our bag.
I am normally not a fan of arriving at the airport early. But since we were travelling internationally with a toddler, I felt arriving two hours before departure was justified. Thankfully, this gave me plenty of time to get back to the airport with my bag. It was also fortunate that the airport was not crowded, so it was pretty easy to get through security.
By the way, I enjoy Dulles’ security much more now that they redesigned the facade. It now kind of resembles an interior that you might see in a Star Trek movie.
Dodging chickens and traffic
After a peaceful flight, we made our way through customs and gathered our bags. This went quicker than expected, partially because baggage handlers in Grand Cayman are MUCH more efficient than their American counterparts.
Our next stop was across the street to the rental car agency. It’s kind of strange to be pushing a luggage cart down the road and have to stop for chickens that wander into your path. I’m not sure what the deal is, but there seem to be random chickens roaming all over the place in Grand Cayman.
Once we squeezed everything into our car (cars in Grand Cayman are generally much smaller than in the States), I was faced with a new challenge: Driving on the left hand side of the road.
In Grand Cayman, they utilize the European style of driving. Apparently, this has caused problems for tourists in the past. They have “Drive on the left” signs posted on the road, and rental cars have different colored license plates, so that local drivers know to be wary.
Adding to the confusion is that the steering wheel was on the right side of the car. In fact, all of the steering wheel controls were reversed. This led to quite a few cases of me activating the windshield wipers when trying to signal a turn.
My initial drive did not go smoothly. When trying to leave the airport, I had to make a few turns, and it felt like all of my instincts were wrong.
It got much easier as the week went on. I got somewhat accustomed to the lane change, and Mrs. Cutter helpfully would remind me which side of the road I needed to be on.
It also helped that there aren’t that many roads in Grand Cayman, and to get where we needed to go, we generally stayed on one main road.
Foster’s Food Fair: Would they have the king of cereals?
Supermarkets in Grand Cayman are closed on Sundays, so we had to stop at Foster’s Food Fair on Saturday night to buy some milk and other supplies for the next day.
As I always do when I go to a new supermarket, I headed towards the cereal aisle to see if they have my favorite cereal in stock. Usually, I end up disappointed. But not this time. There it was – Waffle Crisp! The most glorious of all cereals!
Obviously, I had to buy a box. It is my personal rule that if I find a store that sells Waffle Crisp, a box must be purchased.
Yes, it is that good, and that rare.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t a perfect trip. Since Grand Cayman is an English-speaking nation, they only had Frosted Flakes, and not the much superior Zucaritas.
Then again, I don’t know if I would be able to handle the combination of Waffle Crisp and Zucaritas. That might be more awesomeness than even I could take.
Island Time
People inside the supermarket were definitely moving at what people call “island time.” In other words, there are a lot of people just standing around or moving along in no real hurry.
We would later encounter island time when we tried to have dinner that evening. It was late and we were hungry, so we just went to the resort’s restaurant. Unfortunately, when we went to the host stand, there was nobody there to seat us.
After waiting for a few minutes, we asked a waiter if we should just seat ourselves. He said that someone would be with us shortly. We apparently have different definitions of “shortly,” because a few more minutes passed without anyone looking in our direction.
Finally, we gave up and went to the resort’s dock bar. They served bar food – decent enough, but far from inexpensive – and we had the added bonus of being able to watch the fish swim by the dock.
The fish apparently knew that food items would get thrown their way, so they gather near the dock. It was pretty cool to watch when chicken bones and french fries were thrown into the water. The fish would swarm and devour the food items in seconds.
When we went snorkelling later in the week, I went under the dock to get a closer look at them. Mrs. Cutter did not want to get as close to the “big, scary fish” in fear that they might try to devour her.
Exhaustion
By the time we went food shopping, drove to the resort, lugged our bags up two flights of stairs, and ate dinner, I was quite exhausted.
Since the rest of our group was not arriving until Sunday, we would be temporarily staying in a one-bedroom condo. This meant that the Cutlet’s crib was in our bedroom. We didn’t think that would be a major problem, as she is generally a sound sleeper.
Since we were so tired, we went to bed not too long after putting her down. But two hours into our sleep, we were awakened by the sound of the Cutlet noisily rolling around in her crib.
I’m not sure if it was because the crib mattress was a bit squeaky, or if it was due to her having less space than she was accustomed to. But she was rolling around excessively and making a lot of noise while doing so.
We checked on her, and she didn’t seem to be upset. She was just rolling around. She eventually quieted down, so we went back to sleep. And an hour or so later, we were once again woken by the sound of our her thrashing in her crib.
She was awake, and seemed to be fine, but when we walked over to the crib, she asked to be taken out. We complied, and had her lie in bed with us for a few minutes. Since she didn’t seem upset, we put her back into the crib and she didn’t complain. But shortly after, she resumed her thrashing.
I’m not sure why I didn’t think to just move the crib into the main room. It might have had something to do with being exhausted at 2 AM.
The restlessness continued all night. I’m sure that I slept at some point, but it didn’t feel like it.
Finally, at 7:30 in the morning, I once again heard her moving around. I looked over to see her sitting up smiling at us.
Since we clearly weren’t going to be getting any more sleep, we figured we’d start the day. After breakfast, we got changed into our bathing suits, and headed down to the pool.
The Cutlet loved going into the pool last summer, so we figured that the pool would be easy entertainment. Naturally, as we attempted to lower her down into the kiddie pool, she rebelled with an anguished “Nooooo!”
I’m not sure why she was opposed to the pool. The water admittedly was cold, and the strong winds made the air colder than we expected. But she’s gone swimming in colder temperatures than that before. Maybe she was just being ornery.
Whatever the cause for her reluctance, we spent most of the morning chasing her around as she ran around the pool area looking at whatever caught her eye.
At this point, it was shaping up to be a long week. If we weren’t going to sleep well, and then have to spend the entire time chasing her around, we were going to be like zombies.
Relaxation
Fortunately, things greatly improved once the in-laws arrived that afternoon. We had extra eyes to look after the Cutlet, and Mrs. Cutter and I actually got some time to relax and enjoy ourselves.
Coaxed by Grandma, the Cutlet got into the pool the next day. Of course, she came fully accessorized with long shirt, sunglasses, hat, and a bucket and shovel set. Quite the little diva, she is.
It was fun to see her get progressively braver as the week went on. At first, she would only stand on the top step of the kiddie pool. Then, she’d take another step down. Later on in the week, she would allow herself to be carried around both the kiddie pool and the regular pool.
She was able to float thanks to her Puddle Jumpers, which are arm floaties connected by a life vest on the front that prevent her from flopping forward. By the end of the week, she was floating on her own and actually kicking her legs to help her move around.
She also became a bit obsessed with the ocean. From our condo, we could walk out onto the beach and see the ocean, so every time she looked out, she’d say “ocean.”
At first, she just wanted to look at the ocean, and not actually go in. But she eventually allowed herself to be carried into the water and have her feet dipped in. Finally, she even briefly walked around on her own and sat on the sand while the waves rolled over her.
The power outage
Our third night on the island, the family had just sat down for dinner when the condo’s lights suddenly went out.
We went outside, and discovered that the power outage was an island-wide phenomenon. It was an unwelcome reminder of home. We hoped that this power outage wouldn’t similarly last for multiple days.
Fortunately, our dinner was already cooked, so we were able to enjoy a flashlight illuminated meal. We then sat outside and looked at the moon and the stars for a bit.
And apparently Grand Cayman’s power company is a bit more reliable than Pepco, because to our relief, the lights came back on a few hours later.
Mommy and Daddy time
With the in-laws providing babysitting, Mrs. Cutter and I actually were able to spend some time by ourselves. And at some times, we were even able to sit back and relax!
In a wise decision, we relocated our sleeping quarters to the sofa bed rather than try to share a room with “Thrashy McGee.” The sofa bed might not have been the most comfortable in the world, but at least we were able to sleep peacefully.
We went on an excursion where we rode Wave Runners (a type of jet ski) into the ocean to go snorkelling. Mrs. Cutter was a bit nervous about the Wave Runners, as she didn’t want to go as fast as the rest of the group. And when it was my turn to drive, she was wary of getting thrown off. I reassured her that being thrown from a Wave Runner would be a fun and exciting experience. She disagreed.
We were given a sad reminder of just how old we are now. My brother and sister-in-law befriended our snorkelling guide and hung out with him a few nights. While they drank late into the night and went to parties on the beach, Mrs. Cutter and I stayed in and were largely in bed around 10 PM.
Sigh.
We also took a trip on a catamaran which took us into a part of the ocean where sting rays congregate. The rays have grown used to human interaction, and they’ll swim right up to you, probably in hope that they’ll be fed.
We got to hold and get our pictures taken with some of them. Sadly, we were specifically told that we were not allowed to punch the sting rays. So I restrained myself. I didn’t even taunt them about the 2008 World Series.
A fine trip
As it turned out, we had no real cause for concern. The Cutlet was extremely well behaved throughout the trip. She didn’t have any major breakdowns, and was mostly in good spirits. She even slept through almost the entire plane ride home!
Unfortunately, none of us were especially happy about returning home and dealing with sub-freezing temperatures. But I suppose vacations can’t last forever.
Overall, it was a wonderful trip. We got to relax a little, we did some fun activities, and the Cutlet seemed to enjoy herself tremendously.
The Curious Case of the Zombie Fish
January 2, 2012 at 10:08 pm | Posted in 31 Days of Blogging | Leave a commentYes, I’m back yet again.
The 31 Days of Blogging refuses to die. Instead, it continues to live on well past its expected expiration date like sort of zombie.
And so, I figured this would be as good a time as any to discuss the zombie fish.
Mrs. Cutter and I have a fish tank in our condo. For the past few months, we have had a thriving community of eleven fish. They all seemed healthy and happy enough. Or at least as happy as fish can be.
The community includes three “Mickey Mouse” tetras. They are so named due to a black pattern on their sides that resembles Mickey Mouse’s head.
About a month or so ago, one of the Mickey Mouses seemed to fall ill. It would lie on the bottom of the tank and barely move. This is generally not considered to be healthy behavior for a fish.
On at least a couple of occasions, Mrs. Cutter and I thought the fish was dead. It didn’t seem to be moving at all, and appeared to be missing portions of its tail fin.
Thinking that it had expired, I attempted to scoop him out with a net. Only to my surprise, before I could snatch him, he swam away. But he then returned to his prone state at the bottom of the tank.
Was the fish still alive? Or was it deceased and continuing on as an undead zombie?
Even if the fish was still alive, surely it couldn’t last for too much longer, right?
Well, to our surprise, a few days later, the fish vanished.
We searched the tank, but couldn’t find any sign of it. We thought that it might have been hiding inside the decorative castle. I tried looking in there, but I couldn’t see any sign of it.
So what happened to our fish? Did it spontaneously combust? Did it die and then get consumed by the others? Did it find a way to escape and is now living on the lam somewhere in Mexico?
Unfortunately it seems that we may never know the answer.
The 32nd Day
January 1, 2012 at 5:31 pm | Posted in 31 Days of Blogging | Leave a commentWait, what’s this?
December is over! Shouldn’t the 31 Days of Blogging be over with it?
Well even though we have left December behind us, the 31 Days of Blogging shall continue. Or at least it shall for one more day.
I’m sitting on my couch watching the Eagles and Redskins play out the string. Since the game is essentially meaningless, I figured I might as well take a look back at my month of blogging.
I’m also hoping that the teams I chose for my three team parlay and fifteen team teaser bets come through. But that’s (hopefully) another story for another day.
When I first started the endeavor, I honestly wasn’t sure if I’d be able to do it. I figured that I’d either be too busy, or I’d just have a day where I had absolutely nothing to write about.
And some days it was indeed a struggle to get something written. But one way or another, I was able to come up with a post every day.
More impressively, I really didn’t even need to use much filler. I mean, the days when I simply announced a new Ad Pundit review weren’t too exciting, but considering I wrote a substantial ad review, I was okay with that.
I’d like to think that there was something for everyone this month. Whether you like reading about the Cutlet, sports, pop culture, or just random ramblings from my mind, there should have been at least a couple of entries that were up your alley.
Here’s a quick look at some of the month’s superlatives.
Weakest entry: Day Two and I’m Tired - I admittedly didn’t get off to a great start as I was tired and busy. At this point, I really didn’t think I was going to be able to go 31-for-31.
Most ambitious: In Search of the World’s Awesomest Song - I realized this one might be difficult to write, but I think I pulled it off decently well.
Speaking of which, you can still cast a vote if you have not done so yet.
Most time-consuming: The G.I.Joe Cartoon: A Critical Analysis - It took me awhile to do this one since I had to do all the screen captures and all.
Entry that I enjoyed, but I’m not sure that it really worked: It’s Been One Week - It was probably more fun to write than it was to read.
Most disappointing entry: Date Night with the DVR - I had decent expectations for this one, but it just didn’t work the way I had hoped.
Most popular entry: My Fantasy Football “Victory” Speech - I got a ton of traffic from search engines from people searching for a fantasy football victory speech.
Strangest entry: The Hamburglar: Scourge of McDonaldland - Yeah, this one was a bit out there.
Favorite entry to write: A Christmas Interview with Michael Bublé - I just really got a kick out of writing this one.
So now that the 31 Days of Blogging are done, what does the future hold for The Cutter Rambles?
I’ll still probably continue on the same sporadic schedule that I followed pre-December. When inspiration strikes me, I shall write. But I’m not going to force it.
I’m going to be concentrating more of my time and mental energy towards writing a novel. Part of the reason I wanted to do the 31 Days of Blogging was so that I would get in the habit of writing something every day, no matter how busy or uninspired I may be.
Because I know that if I don’t make a point to write each day, then it isn’t going to get done. There are just too many potential distractions. Hopefully, the dedication I showed this past month will carry over, and I will succeed in my goal. Wish me luck!
In conclusion, I’d like to thank everyone who read The Cutter Rambles both this past month, and throughout the blog’s lifespan. I hope it’s been at least somewhat entertaining for you, and I hope you stay with me in the days ahead.
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