If there’s one thing I enjoy about the holiday season, it is watching Christmas specials on television. From Rudolph to the Grinch, there’s no shortage of fun characters who are either trying to save Christmas or discover what the holidays are all about.
Since I’ve gotten so much pleasure from these specials, I wanted to have my very own Christmas special here at The Cutter Rambles.
And so, I’d like to introduce the hero of my Christmas special: The Fear Boger!
The Fear Boger was the “prize” that I received for finishing in last place in my fantasy football league two years ago. It should have been passed on to last year’s basement dweller, but he was a little bitch about it and quit the league without receiving his punishment. So the Fear Boger stayed in my possession for yet another year.
But my loss is your gain! Because now you will get to read the tale of how the Fear Boger attempted to discover the true meaning of Christmas!
Sigh…the calendar says that it’s December once again. That means that Christmas is coming soon. I’m sure there are lots of happy people out there somewhere. Sadly, I’m not one of them.
It’s kind of tough to enjoy a holiday when you pretty much epitomize a toy that no child would want under the tree. It’s not easy going through life knowing that your only purpose is to be something that people don’t want.
This must be how chlamydia feels.
In the past, I’ve tried to find solace at the bottom of a bottle.
But no matter how much I drank (And I drank A LOT)…
I just couldn’t find happiness at the bottom of a glass.
But you know what? This year’s going to be different! This year, I’m not going to spend the holiday season getting hammered! I’m going to discover what Christmas is all about, and maybe – just maybe – I’ll get to have a Merry Christmas too!
Wish me luck!
Oh, and look at that. It’s also Otto Graham’s birthday. Happy birthday, Otto.
Hmm…that gives me an idea of how to start!
Will the Fear Boger be successful in his quest? Or will he spend yet another Christmas morning passed out in a puddle of his own vomit?
To find out, stay tuned for future episodes of The Fear Boger Discovers the Meaning of Christmas.