Mr. and Mrs. TooTall were kind enough to invite us to their parents’ beach house in Bethany Beach for Memorial Day weekend. We had joined them last year as well, but by the time we arrived on Friday evening, everyone was already wasted. We decided that if people were going to get wasted on Friday afternoon, we were going to be part of it, so we took the day off and headed out in the morning.
Surprisingly, we were able to get all of our stuff in the trunk and back, considering we would also be bringing The Blondness with us. She might have been a little wedged in the back (much like a platypus wedges itself between rocks), but we managed to fit everything and still had enough room for the convertible top to go down. She didn’t even complain about anything, which makes her very welcome as a third wheel on a road trip.
Leaving on Friday morning allowed us to miss out on most of the traffic. Last year, we had a few points where we were slowed to a crawl, but we moved pretty consistently the whole trip, and despite stopping twice, we still made it in three hours.
Once we arrived, everyone was ready to get the party started, so we walked to Wawa to get some lunch (still love the Wawa subs, and since I was on vacation, I decided to cut loose and get mayo on the sub) and then…everyone fell asleep. Not that everyone is getting older or anything, but when the first thing we do is take a nap, then maybe our best partying years are behind us.
Once everyone was roused, we walked over to the main (only?) bar in Bethany: Mango’s. Still early in the day, we got a table and Squinty followed through with his annual tradition of ordering a Shark Attack drink, which is a fishbowl filled with various shots. Since Squinty is one of the world’s slowest drinkers, some of us had to help him out. He still became rather drunk, and did his impression of a crab fighting a shrimp.
We retreated back to the beach house for more drinks and dinner. Continuing on the theme of not being able to hang anymore, at 10 PM, we were pretty much all done. We watched a little Chappelle’s Show, and then went to bed.
Having been on a diet for the past few weeks, my body didn’t quite know how to handle all the food and drink I consumed, and I didn’t have a restful night’s sleep. I didn’t feel too great the next morning either, as I think I had a food hangover.
Since we were at a beach town, we decided to actually go to the beach. Unfortunately, it was mostly cloudy and not especially warm, so we couldn’t go in the water. The girls entertained themselves by watching rookie lifeguard training, which involved them repeatedly running and jumping into the ocean. Not as intrigued by shirtless young men running around, I entertained myself by reading, and then digging a hole and burying my feet.
Once we tired of the beach, we cleaned up and headed to the nearby Dewey Beach outlets. The men and women had to take separate cars, since the men only wanted to go for a little bit, and for the women, going to outlets is like a holiday. I bought a necklace for Mrs. Cutter and the new Eminem CD (Very good). And I think Squinty and TooTall may have each gotten a bottle of water. So we weren’t exactly big spenders. On the other hand, the women spent twice as long there, and bought lots of handbags and other unnecessary crap.
Once the men returned, we passed the time by watching the Phillies play the Yankees on TV. The highlight was when rookie John Mayberry, Jr. hit his first home run, and then had Fox highlight a guy in the stands as his father. But as it turned out, the guy they highlighted wasn’t actually his father, and didn’t even look anything like his father. The game ended on a sour note as Alex Rodriguez hit a cheap home run (They’re not kidding about it being easy to hit one out in new Yankee Stadium) and the Phillies lost in the 9th.
While watching the game, we played the drinking game Drunkball. We used Miller Lite cans, and I realized that chugging four cans of Miller Lite in half an hour does not do wonders for your stomach. Chugging them, along with a couple other beers in a short time on an empty stomach also gets you decently buzzed.
Once the women returned, we headed out for dinner to Bethany Blues, where I once again overindulged on prime rib. It was good, but at this point, the diet was a long forgotten memory.
On Sunday, Mrs. Cutter and I walked around town for a bit, but the walk had to be cut short as the humidity caused a bit of painful chafing. Once that was attended to, some of us met up with UEGS who was staying at Dewey Beach. We went to The Blue Crab restaurant for some all-you-can-eat crabs. For some reason, UEGS just ordered a crab cake sandwich while the rest of us had the all-you-can-eat crabs and shrimp which also included fried chicken and hush puppies. UEGS spent his time assisting The Blondness who did not have much experience eating crabs.
As a child, I had a few hermit crabs as pets. Feeling a twinge of nostalgia, I decided to purchase a new crab pet. I picked out one with a shell decorated with an American flag. We eventually decided on the name Chief Big Claw – other possibilities were Sam, Lil’ Alyssa, and Barack Ocraba. Apparently, Mrs. Cutter doesn’t love our new pet as much as I do, as she seems quite concerned that he will escape, and has also incorrectly declared him dead on a couple occassions.
Returning to the beach house, TooTall had set up an elaborate trivia contest that included physical and drinking challenges. It would be Mrs. Cutter and I vs. Squinty, The Blondness and UEGS. Categories included ‘Are they dead or alive?’, flags, video game music, The O.C., and music lyrics. Mixed in were penalty shots, Drunkball (We found that Mrs. Cutter and UEGS are horrible at this game, and Squinty is only good because he cheats), beer can bocce ball (The Blondness is apparently a savant at this), and finally, the beer relay.
For the beer relay, one person had to wear a helmet with a yard glass on the top, and the partner had to fill it with beer. The person with the helmet had to run around the house and pour the beer in a glass. They had to repeat the process until the beer glass was full, and then one person had to chug. Fortunately, The Blondness still doesn’t understand how beer foam works, and that slowed their team down considerably. Mrs. Cutter quickly got over her fear of spilling, and after I was able to chug a large mug of foamy Miller Lite, we won the challenge. Once again, I didn’t feel too great after chugging my beer, but I kept it all inside.
The trivia contest was quite fun, despite ‘Are they dead or alive?’ being too much in Squinty’s wheelhouse. The beer relay event will definitely have to be used again in this summer’s Moronathon. We figured the best way to top it off was by doing a power hour. Originally, I was going to give out penalty shots if nobody could guess the song and artist of each song played on the power hour mix. But I soon learned that the people involved don’t know their music (or at least the obscure stuff I listen to), and we had to scrap that stipulation.
After another home grilled dinner, Mrs. Cutter and I stumbled over to a nearby Rita’s Water Ice for some delicious gelati. Some of my chocolate gelati spilled all over my shorts, but luckily, the stains came out in the wash. Since it was a pleasant night, Mrs. Cutter and I then wandered over to the beach, to see how secluded it was at night. The answer is: Pretty secluded. Unfortunately for Mrs. Cutter, while on the beach, she accidentally got a nasty bruise on her neck. But don’t worry, she’ll be OK.
We packed up early Monday morning and headed home. As opposed to the trip up, the traffic heading back sucked. There are long stretches where there’s only one lane of traffic, and when a lot of cars drive in that lane, things back up. Oh well, at least it didn’t pour until we got home.
Overall, a great weekend. There was plenty (too much) of food, lots of drinking, some beach time, and a trivia contest. What more can you ask for? Hopefully, we get invited back next year.