2012: Crappy review of a crappy movie

Here’s my review of 2012:

This movie was certainly something.  I got to see it for free and I can tell you that it was worth every cent.    If you like movies where CGI-rendered buildings are destroyed, then I strongly recommend it.  It has not one, not two, but THREE scenes of planes barely taking off while things explode all around.

If you like stupid plot devices, this is also a good movie to see.  One character is taking basic piloting lessons, yet somehow manages to fly like an expert in difficult conditions.  And knowing that his ability to pilot a plane is the only thing that will keep his family alive, he seems reluctant to do so, or even admit that he can.  We also get an uplifiting scene where a small dog escapes to safety.  We don’t get to enjoy this for too long though because the dog’s owner promptly dies ten minutes later.

In a movie so dependent on special effects, you might think that the cast gets overlooked.  But that is not the case here.  John Cusack is the main protagonist playing the same character he plays in every movie.  If you really miss Danny Glover from his Lethal Weapon days, well he’s back here…as the president!  He plays the president as a kindly old uncle who doesn’t seem all that concerned that the world is coming to an end.

Other cast members include Chiwetel Ejiofor as a scientist (he actually does a good job here); Amanda Peet, who puts in a performance that will have you saying, “Man, what happened to Amanda Peet?” and Oliver Platt as the token “evil government official.”  Keep in mind, this guy was tasked with preserving as much of the population and world culture as possible.  He had to make impossibly tough decisions, but yet he was portrayed as the bad guy.  I kept expecting him to blurt out, “Is that so, MISTER SCIENTIST??”

So by the movie’s end, just about all of the world’s population has been wiped out, and the survivors will have an impossibly tough time trying to rebuild the world.  Yet, we’re supposed to be left feeling upbeat because a small dog survived and Cusack and Peet’s characters have reconciled their marriage.

So yeah, it’s not a great movie.  It’s like they said “Yeah, Independence Day was good, but how could we make it better?  I know!  Let’s have even more stuff blow up!”

Of course, the movie they previewed before it looks even worse.  Did You Hear About the Morgans? is a romantic comedy starring Hugh Grant and Sarah Jessica Parker as a bickering couple who have to go into the witness protection program.  I’m taking a wild guess here, but I think they’ll fall back in love by movie’s end.

After seeing Sarah Jessica Parker in the previews, you start to feel really bad for Matthew Broderick.  (I feel bad for myself for knowing that they’re married but that’s a whole other story).  I actually winced when she first appeared on screen.  She looks like the Crypt Keeper these days. 

If this is what Hollywood is going to give us, then maybe I really should refrain from seeing any movies until Tron Legacy comes out next year.


About The Cutter

I am the Cutter. I write some stuff. You might like it, you might not. Please decide for yourself.
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2 Responses to 2012: Crappy review of a crappy movie

  1. Squinty says:

    Why is the president always black in a disaster movie? I mean Morgan Freeman was president in Deep Impact and now Danny Glover. Was there a scene with Danny Glover getting into a taxi? Cause that would be funny.

    Oh, and don’t forget president David Palmer on 24

  2. Pingback: Top 10 Reasons to Prepare for the Apocalypse | Freedom Guerrilla

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