A word of warning: I never thought I would be the type of person to openly discuss their child’s bowel movements. And yet, here we are. Fatherhood does strange things to a person.
So if poop stories aren’t your cup of tea, then I suggest you skip ahead to the end of the blog where I analyze some commercials.
For the rest of you…
On Saturday, we went out to celebrate Mrs. TooTall’s 30th birthday celebration. Since the TooTalls have recently had a child of their own, the party would be child-friendly and we brought the Cutlet along.
There were quite a few babies or toddlers at the party, and strangely enough, they were all girls. Either this is a sign that the world’s population is slowly shifting towards being exclusively female as in the comic book Y: The Last Man, or else this was just a coincidence due to a small sample size.
We had noticed that the Cutlet hadn’t made a bowel movement in a couple of days. We had read that this was perfectly normal for breastfed babies, but it was still a bit concerning.
Towards the end of the party, I was giving the Cutlet a bottle. (Mrs. Cutter isn’t the type to just start feeding a baby in public) I had the child on my lap and was burping her, when I noticed an odd look on her face. I’ve seen the look before, as it seems to be her pooping face. I thought it would be good if she had finally gone.
And then I looked down.
To describe the scene, it was as if someone had taken a full bottle of mustard bottle and dumped it into a diaper. Pampers diapers may be good, but no diaper would have been capable of containing this mess. It oozed out and got everywhere: On my hand, on my shorts, and all over her.
We quickly worked towards cleaning up the Cutlet – although Mrs. Cutter did seem slightly more interested in laughing and taking pictures. We went through almost an entire box of wipes in getting the Cutlet clean, and even then, we hadn’t been able to complete the job.
We at least got her (and me) to an adequate level of cleanliness so that we didn’t have to rush home immediately. I never thought I would be able to function normally with a large poop stain on my shorts, but that’s what I did. After all, I didn’t want to miss eating the delicious ice cream cake, and then afterwards, I had to destroy Squinty in a game of ping pong.
We didn’t stay too much longer though, as it was getting late, and we’d need to give the Cutlet a bath. I think we all felt much better afterwards.
And now, as promised, some commercial analysis!
Have you seen this commerical for Friskies cat food?
Ummm…did they recently change the recipe for Friskies? Are they now lacing it with LSD? Because that cat is tripping hardcore.
Anyone want to bet that someone watches that commerical while stoned and decides to try some Friskies for themselves?
And here’s this commerical for the iPhone 4:
Is it sad that I watch this commerical and think “Oh, you fools. You may be happy right now, but just wait. Nine months from now, you’ll be sleep deprived, slightly insane, and won’t be able to remember why you thought this was a good idea.”
By the way, I don’t care if there is video chat on the new iPhone or not. If you’re going to tell your husband that you’re pregnant, please wait until you can do it in person.
I’ll conclude by wishing the Cutlet a happy one month birthday! We’ve made it an entire month with out physical harm, and hopefull not too much mental damage either. Hooray!