Summer Movies!

We’ve come to Memorial Day weekend, which marks the unofficial start of summer.  To celebrate, I’ll take a look at some of the year’s big summer movies. 

Pirates of the Carribean: On Stranger Tides

Am I the only person in the country who doesn’t like these movies? 

I thought the first one was way too long and repetitive.  They had about five scenes of people fighting the zombie pirates, but since the zombie pirates couldn’t die, there was absolutely no point to the fights! 

This also pretty much marked when the opinion of Orlando Bloom changed for just about every guy in America.  After Lord of the Rings, most guys were OK with women thinking that “he’s so hot” because at least he was Legolas, and Legolas was kind of bad ass.  But in the Pirates movies, he was just a whiny pretty boy.

For some reason, I decided to try watching the second one as well.  I thought it was horribly boring, and I think I made it through about fifteen minutes of the third before turning it off.  

I have no reason to think I’d like the fourth one any better, but since the rest of America seems to feel differently, I’m sure it will end up being a big hit.

(But seriously, why did they keep trying to fight the zombie pirates?)

Thor

I saw Thor, and it met expectations.  While it has its basis in Norse mythology, and being directed by Kenneth Branaugh might have given it some credibility, that isn’t why people go to see Thor.  People see Thor because they want to see a superhero fight monsters with a big ass hammer.

And sure enough, we got to see Thor fighting monsters with a big ass hammer.  Sometimes, it is nice when a movie delivers.

The Hangover Part II

I felt that the first movie was a bit overrated.  It was funny enough, but really, the photo montage at the end made everyone kind of feel like the entire movie was better than it was. 

I have a name for this: Con-Air Syndrome.  If you recall, Con-Air was a 1997 action movie starring Nicholas Cage.  The movie was thoroughly mediocre, but they closed it with Sweet Home Alabama playing over a montage of the cast.  Everyone likes the song Sweet Home Alabama, so we were left with a good impression, even though the movie wasn’t really that great.

Anyway, I’m feeling like this movie is going to be like Home Alone 2 where they basically recreated the first movie but in a different setting.  Will the same stuff be as funny the second time around?  Probably not.

X-Men: First Class

I do love the X-Men, even though their movie history has been a little uneven.  The first one was decent, the second one was good (at least up until the last ten minutes) and the third one was a mess. 

So now they are going to show us the origin of the rivalry between Professor Xavier and Magneto.  In theory, this should be awesome.  I’m sure it will be fun to watch with some big set pieces and the like.  I’m also just as sure that when the plot is held up to any sort of scrutiny, it will make no sense whatsoever.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon

After the underwhelming Transformers, and the crappy sequel, Michael Bay returns to destroy our childhood memories even further. 

It’s not like fans of the Transformers are asking for much.  We only really want two things from a Transformers movie:

1. Less focus on the humans.  We’re watching this movie to see the Transformers, not the adventures of Shia LeBeouf. 

A serious question: If they killed off Shia’s character would anyone be upset?  I’m guessing that theaters would explode in applause if he were to die.

2. When the robots are fighting, please stop with the extreme closeups.  The appeal of seeing fighting robots is lessened when all we can see is closeup of twisting metal and can’t tell what’s going on. 

If the movie gave us just that, I would be satisfied.  But based on what has come before, I am not getting my hopes up.

Green Lantern

The “suck warning” alarm is ringing pretty loud on this one. 

I can’t say that I’m a huge fan of Green Lantern, but I typically enjoy superhero movies, so if the movie looked good, I would probably see it.  Based on previews and commercials, the movie doesn’t look good. 

I don’t know if it is because Ryan Reynolds seems especially annoying, or the fact that the entire movie looks like it is CGI.  But I have a feeling that this is gonna be really bad.

Final Destination 5

They’re still making these things? 

Rise of the Planet of the Apes

I remember being really excited to see Tim Burton’s POTA in 2001, and being especially pissed off upon leaving the theater.  Of course, 2001 was probably the worst summer movie season in history, (and actually 2001 sucked for pop culture as a whole) so it isn’t a huge surprise that one of the biggest movies was a disappointment.

Will this one be any better?  Maybe, but I doubt I’ll actually go see it.

The First Avenger: Captain America

Did they really need to include “The First Avenger” in the title?  I get it, all of these Marvel superhero movies are essentially prequels for next summer’s “The Avengers,” but I think people are smart enough to grasp the connection without shoving it in our face.

I mean, did they think people wouldn’t want to see a movie about Captain America without explicitly letting us know that it is related to the Avengers movie?  This seems like faulty logic to me.

People who already know about the Avengers movie are pretty much comic book fans who would see this movie either way.  Those who don’t are just going to get confused about the whole “First Avenger” part of the title.

Regardless of the crappy title, the movie looks solid based on trailers.  And it has Hugo Weaving as a deformed Nazi!  That seems like it would be worth the price of admission by itself.

Harry Potter and Blah Blah Blah

I haven’t seen part one yet, so I probably won’t see this one in theatres.

I’m surprised how excited people get about the Harry Potter movies.  I mean, you read the books, right?  You know how it turns out. 

Quick summary: (Spoiler warning!)  Harry lives, Voldemort dies.  All is well.

Cowboys and Aliens

It’s nice when occassionally Hollywood can use their tired methods of thinking to come up with an original idea.

“OK people, let’s think about this.  What is cool?”

“Cowboys?”

“Yes!  Cowboys!  Good!  All right, what else is cool?”

“Aliens?”

“Perfect!  Let’s put them together and we’ve got a movie!”

I’m just hoping that this will eventually lead to Ninjas and Vampires.  I would probably be first in line for that one.

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About The Cutter

I am the Cutter. I write some stuff. You might like it, you might not. Please decide for yourself.
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One Response to Summer Movies!

  1. tgraham21 says:

    Cutter,

    I hate to burst your originality bubble, but Cowboys and Aliens is totally based on a comic book. https://www.mycomicshop.com/search?TID=693071

    Granted, it’s a way different concept than the other comic book movies, but I’m pretty sure there are no new ideas in Hollywood.

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