The Leg and the Cricket

I’ve had some trouble sleeping this week.

Since I am the parent of a young child, that shouldn’t seem all that surprising.  But the Cutlet is not to blame for my lack of sleep.  She has actually been sleeping rather well this week.

In the past, I have had some sleepless nights brought about thanks to our upstairs neighbors.  But they are not the cause of my poor sleep this week either.

No, the primary causes of my sleeplessness this week have been my leg and a cricket.

Last Sunday, during my kickball game, I was running towards second base.  The fielder had a chance to get me out, so I slid to the ground to avoid a potential pegging.  While I successfully dodged the ball, I did manage to scrape up my leg fairly nicely.

Earlier in the year, I played on the same field and when sliding into second base, my wedding ring popped off.  We had thought it was lost forvever, but fortunately it was found by one of our teammates two weeks later.

Mrs. Cutter has urged me to no longer slide when playing kickball.

I didn’t think the scrape was that bad as it wasn’t especially painful at first.  When I got home, I washed it off pretty well and rubbed some Neosporin over it.  But as the night progressed, it began to really start to throb with pain.

In the middle of the night, I awoke in agony as every movement I made with my leg seemed to cause waves of pain.  I had to get up, make a pseudo bandage out of gauze and take an extra strength ibuprofen simply so I could get back to sleep.

The following night went a little better as I went to bed with the leg pre-bandaged.  This helped prevent my leg from scraping against the sheets.  While this was a significant improvement, it still wasn’t the most restful of sleep.

But it was still better than Tuesday night when I encountered another obstacle in my path to a good night’s sleep.

I had been sleeping on my back to alleviate some of the leg pain.  As a result, I began to snore.

Mrs. Cutter doesn’t like snoring.  She has an irrational hatred of it, and apparently, anyone snoring within a one-mile radius of her keeps her awake.  In turn, she begins to flip over and make annoyed groans.  When the person sleeping next to you makes such a display of annoyance, it can disturb your sleep.  Fortunately, she eventually left the room to try her luck sleeping on the couch.

I’m not sure exactly how long she stayed there.  I only know that at some point she came back to our room, only to later spring out of bed in search of a cricket which had taken up residence in our bedroom and was loudly chirping..

I am far from a sound sleeper, but for some reason, Mrs. Cutter seemed to think that I would be able to sleep through her madly searching around the room for the cricket.  Sleeping was made even more difficult when she decided to use a flashlight to aid her in the search.

Eventually, she gave up, but by this point, I was wide awake.  When I tried to get back to sleep, all I could think about was the chirping of the cricket.

Despite Mrs. Cutter’s protests, I typically try to keep insects alive, choosing to throw them outside rather than killing them.  But when an insect makes my life difficult or starts interfering with my ability to sleep…well, then it’s a different story.  Since this particular cricket was keeping me awake at 3 AM, I decided that Jiminy was gonna die.

We finally located the little noisemaker, and unfortunately, he was holed up in a crevice in a door frame.  I tried poking some objects into the crevice but we could not get to him.

I asked Mrs. Cutter if we had any bug spray.  All we had on hand was some Raid spray designed to kill ants and roaches.  I figured that with a lack of better alternatives, it was worth a try.  Apparently, even if the poison is designed for ants and roaches, crickets don’t fare too well when they get a faceful of the stuff.  Our bedroom was returned to silence.

Of course, after all the excitement, it took me awhile to get back to sleep.

So what have I learned from all this:

1. Sliding in kickball may be a mistake.  Sadly, I’ll probably eventually do it again.

2. Pouring Hydrogen Peroxide in a wound can be painful.

Actually, just about anything you do with a large wound can be painful, including: Pulling off gauze that has become stuck to it, rubbing Neosporin on it, and having the hem of your shorts rub against it.

I’ve been doing my best to keep it from becoming infected.  I think I’m going to have the blondest leg hair ever thanks to the copious amounts of Peroxide I’ve poured down my leg.

3. “For better or for worse” includes dealing with your insane wife who can’t sleep if there is any noise in the room whatsoever.

If anyone wants to know what true love is, it probably involves hunting down a cricket at 3:30 AM because the chirping is keeping your wife – and by extension, you – awake.  And then being able to laugh about it the next day.

And to her credit, she did say she’d stay with me even if my leg rotted off.  So there’s that.  But she really wants me to stop sliding.


About The Cutter

I am the Cutter. I write some stuff. You might like it, you might not. Please decide for yourself.
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