Las Vegas: Questions Answered

This past weekend, I ventured out to Las Vegas to pay a visit to Squinty. While I was out there, some important questions would be raised and ultimately answered.

Are there any important things to remember on a stop over?

First off, Salt Lake City is a pretty good spot for a stop over on a flight.  They have a TCBY and free WiFi!  Both help make a stop over more pleasant.

While preparing to board my connecting flight, they told us that there was no more room for carry-on luggage, so everyone would have to gate check their bags.  I had a smaller bag with my necessities, so I didn’t think this was much of a problem.  They slapped a tag on my bag and I placed it with the others.  All I would have to do was pick it up at the luggage carousel at Las Vegas.

Or so I thought.

When I arrived at Las Vegas, I waited by the carousel, but my bag didn’t arrive.  I went into the Delta luggage services office, where I was told that the bag was marked as “Unloaded” so it had to be in the luggage claim area somewhere.

Well, I searched the area about as well as I could, and it wasn’t there.  When I told them that it definitely wasn’t there, they went about looking for it.  And I would like to credit the effort put in by the woman working in the luggage office.  She definitely worked as hard as she could to find my bag.

It took almost an hour, but finally they tracked it down.  Apparently, my bag still had a tag on it from my previous flight to BWI.  Normally it would have been removed, but due to being checked at the gate, I didn’t give it a second thought.

Unfortunately, when the baggage handler saw the tag, he assumed it had ended up in the wrong place and sent it to be flown back to Baltimore.  This would have royally sucked, but they were able to eventually locate it and return it to me.

It wasn’t exactly the greatest way to start my vacation, but it would have been worse if my bag had been lost.

When you’re used to going to bed at 11 PM EST, is it a bad idea to get In n’ Out Burger and go to sleep at 1 AM PST?

Yes.

Does it suck to then be up at 6 AM and then do work?

Yes.

When talking to a stripper, is it a good idea to tell her “I want to raise my daughter right so that she doesn’t end up working in a strip club?”

Probably not, but it is funny as hell.

Did a stripper agree with me that it was okay to choose my own nickname?

Yes, once I pointed out that her given name probably wasn’t really “Gypsy.”

Are buffets still awesome?

Oh yes.  Yes, they are.

As per tradition, I went to the Flamingo’s Paradise Garden Buffet for brunch.  I’m not sure why I enjoy this buffet so much.  While the food is good, I’m sure there are better breakfast buffets out there.  And yet, I always enjoy myself immensely when eating there.

As I sat there, looking at the scenery and reflecting on the mass quantities of food I had just consumed, I couldn’t help but thinking “Life is good.”

The next day, we went to the Mirage’s buffet for dinner.  I had never been to the Mirage’s buffet before, but it had gotten positive reviews, so I decided to give it a try.  They had a very good selection of good food at a relatively low price.  Sadly, the prime rib wasn’t all that spectacular, but I guess I shouldn’t expect miracles from a buffet.

Here’s a sample of one of my plates:

Is Tim Tebow awesome?

Since the Eagles had a bye, I figured that I should place a bet on a different NFL game so that I’d have a rooting interest.  Scanning the lines, I thought the Denver Broncos getting a point at the Miami Dolphins was my best chance at success.  The Broncos would be starting former college superstar Tim Tebow, and since the game would be in his home state of Florida, it seemed like he would have a big game.

We went to the Aliante Station casino to watch the games.  It was kind of weird watching football at 10 AM – actually the whole “sports are on three hours early” phenomenon is kind of weird – but since I never really adjusted to west coast time, this was fine by me.

Unfortunately, most of the early games weren’t that good – at least in the first half.  I didn’t care that much because the casino offered $1 hot dogs and beer during the game, so at least I got a cheap lunch out of it.

In the fourth quarter, all of the games suddenly became somewhat exciting.  I had to quickly turn my attention from one screen to the next.

And most importantly, the one game I had a rooting interest in went from being a lost cause to a thrilling contest.  Down 15-0 in the 4th quarter, and with Tebow looking awful all game, the Broncos hopes of winning didn’t seem too great, and it looked like I was going to lose my bet.

But suddenly, Tebow and the Broncos caught fire.  They scored a touchdown, followed by a successful recovery of an onsides kick.  They then drove down for another touchdown, with Tebow scoring the game-tying two point conversion.

I was actually kind of rooting for a tie here, as that one point I was getting would win the day.  But the Broncos did even better, driving down for a game – and bet – winning field goal.

I don’t know if he’s actually going to have a successful NFL career, but I am now onboard the Tebow bandwagon.

Does indoor smoking suck?

Since DC and Maryland passed laws against smoking in bars and restaurants, I’ve begun to take it for granted that when I go out, the room won’t be congested with smoke.  But hanging out in casinos is an unpleasant reminder of the smelly old days.

I forgot how wonderful it is to come home and have your clothes reek of smoke.  I forgot that wonderful dry, scratchy throat feeling that you could get from going to a smoke-filled bar.

While watching the Chargers vs. Jets game, the Chargers fan seated in front of me must have smoked about ten cigarettes.  Which meant that I got to inhale ten cigarettes worth of second-hand smoke.

By the end of the game, I began to root against the Chargers, and I definitely felt some glee when they lost.

Is Squinty prepared for when the zombies come?

I don’t think he’s as ready as he could be.  I mean, he told me his home security code (available for a price) and if he has a gun, he didn’t show it to me.

Why is Darth Vader wearing a shawl in this poster?

Squinty has this poster up at his place, and I can’t quite figure out what Vader is wearing in it.  Any ideas?

Is Chappelle’s Show still funny?

Yes, and perhaps more so since I had kind of forgotten how many pop culture phrases came from the show.

Has my gambling luck turned?

As I’ve mentioned before, I have awful luck at gambling, and especially while playing blackjack.

I figured that at some point, I was due for a hot day where I went on a winning streak.  The good news is that I’m still due.

Sometimes I would lose my money horrifyingly fast.  Other times, it was a slow bloodletting.  I brought a certain amount of disposable income with which to gamble, and I certainly disposed of it.

I tried everything I could to turn my luck around.  In the past, I’ve had success gambling when drunk.  It didn’t work.  I tried going downtown where I have traditionally had more success.  No success.  I tried rubbing the belly of a giant Buddha statue.  Apparently, Buddha does not help Jews with their gambling luck.

I thought that maybe after watching the Tebow-led comeback my luck had changed and I would go on a long awaited winning streak.  Nope.  After the game, I lost some more.

In fact, the only place where I actually left a table with more than when I started was the Gold Spike.

The Gold Spike was a little casino in downtown Vegas.  We assumed it was going to be a dump, but it was quite pleasant inside.  And best of all, they had Sexy Blackjack!

So what made the Blackjack there so sexy?  I’m not entirely sure.  But I won there, so I didn’t want to complain much.

To contrast my horrible luck, every time Squinty sat down at a slot machine, he’d seem to win at least $50.  I think he somehow siphoned off my luck.

When someone is visiting is it a good idea to give him a ten pound book as a birthday present when he’ll have to put it in a carry-on bag?

Don’t get me wrong, Simpsons World: The Ultimate Episode Guide is an awesome book.  But covering twenty seasons of a show makes for a big, heavy book.  And it was a pain in the ass to lug around through three airports and two flights.  Next time, please ship all gifts to my home.  Thanks!

Is it good to be home?

While I’m not excited to be back at work, I was happy to see Mrs. Cutter and the Cutlet again.  I even brought the Cutlet back a funny outfit which is completely inappropriate for her to wear to day care!

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About The Cutter

I am the Cutter. I write some stuff. You might like it, you might not. Please decide for yourself.
This entry was posted in Trips and Events and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Las Vegas: Questions Answered

  1. Sweaty says:

    Was the funny outfit purchased at the strip club?

  2. Good information. Lucky me I discovered your blog by accident (stumbleupon).
    I have saved as a favorite for later!

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