Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance!!!

I recently realized that nobody should ever take my advice on anything.

Why did I come to this conclusion?  Because I watched this and thought it looked good:

That’s right, I watched the trailer for Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance and thought that it might be a movie that I’d like to see.  I guess I’m just a sucker for people being dragged around by flaming chains.

Am I being too hard on myself?  I don’t think so.  Let’s take a quick glance at the movie and go over some reasons why it is likely to suck:

  • It opens in February.  Has there ever been a good movie released in February?
  • It’s about a C-list comic book character.
  • It’s a sequel to an underwhelming movie.  I ordered the first Ghost Rider through Netflix.  While it wasn’t horrible,  I was happy that I hadn’t paid to see it in the theater.  And I certainly wasn’t eagerly anticipating a sequel.
  • It stars Nicholas Cage.

That last point is probably the most damning of all.

You know what’s fun?  With a straight face, tell someone that “Nicholas Cage has never made a bad movie.”  See how many awful movies they can name before they realize that you’re not serious.

I’ve found that it’s actually kind of difficult to name a lot of bad Nicholas Cage movies.  I think this is because he’s made so many bad movies that they kind of blend together into an unmemorable mess.

Look at his profile.  Over the last ten years, Ghost Rider is probably one of the highlights of his resume!

And that is probably one of the reasons that this movie got made.  I’m imagining that the film’s producer Michael DeLuca was sitting in his office one day when his phone rang.

DeLuca: Hello?

Cage: Mike?  Hey, it’s Nic Cage!

DeLuca: Nic!  How’s it going?

Cage: Terrific! Listen, I just came up with an amazing idea for a movie and I want you to produce it.

DeLuca: Great!  What have you got?

Cage: Ghost Rider 2!

DeLuca: (pauses) Ghost Rider 2?

Cage: Yeah, Ghost Rider 2.  I feel like the first movie left a lot of questions that people want to see answered.

DeLuca: Umm…like what?

Cage: I’m glad you asked.  People are probably wondering what is the Ghost Rider’s motivation?  Why does he do what he does?

DeLuca: I think that was pretty much answered in the first one.

Cage: Well…how about we learn how he became the Ghost Rider in the first place?

DeLuca: Nic, that was also explained in the first movie.  I have to ask: Did you even watch the movie?

Cage: Mike, you know I don’t ever watch any of my movies.  I don’t even know what half of them are called.

DeLuca: But you remembered Ghost Rider?

Cage: Well, that’s the funny thing.  I was in a comic book store the other day and saw this awesome looking comic about a guy whose head is a flaming skull.  I thought to myself: Wow, that would make a kick ass movie!  I could star as the flaming skull guy!  So I called my agent, and he told me the good news.  Not only did they make a movie about him, but I starred in it!  So I figured I’d be perfect for the sequel.

DeLuca: Nic, the first movie didn’t really do that well at the box office.  And I don’t think anyone really wants to see a sequel.

Cage: But I’ve got some good ideas for this one!  Want to hear them?

DeLuca: Um, I really have another call to-

Cage: I was thinking that in this movie, we could really explore the ways in which they make my head morph into a flaming skull.  With all that CGI stuff, they probably have ways to turn me into a flaming skull that will really make you think for a while.

This is what America wants to see

DeLuca: Nic, I think people got enough of seeing your head on fire in the first one.

Cage: Well then how about this: When I was in the comic store, I also saw a comic about a guy who had powers like a spider.

DeLuca: You mean Spider-Man?

Cage: Yeah!  That’s him.  I thought, why doesn’t Ghost Rider fight Spider-Man?

DeLuca: Spider-Man already has his own movie.

Cage: Really?  Could I play Spider-Man?

DeLuca: No.  Listen, Nic, I really gotta get-

Cage: C’mon, I’d be an awesome Spider-Man!  Listen to this: I…am…Spider…man.

DeLuca: Nic, if I agree to make Ghost Rider 2, can we end this call immediately?

Cage: You’ve got a deal!

And that’s how we end up with movies like Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance.

Fortunately, it takes quite a bit of effort for me to make it out to the movies these days, so I’ll probably just have to wait until it comes to Netflix.  I just hope I’m not missing out on what could be the greatest movie of our time.


About The Cutter

I am the Cutter. I write some stuff. You might like it, you might not. Please decide for yourself.
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6 Responses to Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance!!!

  1. Amy says:

    I rarely laugh out loud when catching up on blogs…but today I did. Solid work, sir.

  2. jaklumen says:

    The backstory of Ghost Rider is pretty messy, but for the most part, the first movie was based on the Johnny Blaze version, and the second on the Danny Ketch version. If the writers and directors had kept the “sequel” Ghost Rider identified as Danny Ketch (as was rumored), instead of muddling it with Johnny Blaze (and leaving Nick Cage out, basically), I think the bar might have been lowered on expectations and the film would have been less razzed. I could be dreaming.

    At least Kevin Smith’s Superman Lives never came to light… Nic Cage as Superman? Ugh…

    • The Cutter says:

      They probably suspected that there was no way that Cage would actually return for a sequel, so they went with Ketch as a way to explain the different actors. But they should have known that apparently Cage won’t turn down any role.

    • jaklumen says:

      That may be filmmaker reasoning, but the second film is still based on the Ketch Ghost Rider for the most part (even though the first film gave Blaze Ghost Rider some Ketch powers).

      I get that Cage jumps at a lot of roles, regardless of the quality– I remember some bad vampire movie with him and Jennifer Beals showing up on broadcast TV. The This channel, as a general rule, shows a lot of second-tier films, so I’m sure there are plenty of other bad Cage examples they show.

  3. Dylan Dailey says:

    Did you ever bother to see this? It was actually really, really fantastic. And…yeah, I’m kidding. I think they only made the sequel to make Ghost Rider One look like a good movie in comparison…

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