The Avengers vs. Michael Bay

SPOILER WARNING!If you haven’t seen Avengers yet, this post may ruin some things for you.  But it’s been out for two weekends now, so really, what are you waiting for?

Marvel has spent four years working towards this movie, ever since Samuel L. Jackson made a cameo after the credits of Iron Man.  So after all the buildup, did Avengers live up to the hype?

Yes.  This movie was excellent.

Apparently, most everyone agrees with me.  It has gotten positive reviews, and the film has already earned a lot of money.  It is projected to finish as one of the top five highest grossing movies ever.

But even if the movie sucked, I’m sure it would have made a ton of money.  After all, they have essentially been promoting it for four years.  And since it is based on a beloved comic book, it came with a built-in audience.

For an example, look at the Transformers movies.  Despite these movies largely sucking, they still earned a fortune.

And speaking of the Transformers movies, I can say I’m very thankful that Joss Whedon directed Avengers and not Michael Bay.

For now, this movie remains a fanboy’s wet dream

If Michael Bay had directed Avengers, the movie assuredly would have turned out differently.  Most likely, under Bay’s watch, The Avengers would have been the story of Rick Jones.  Fans of the Incredible Hulk comic know Rick Jones as the Hulk’s sidekick who is partially responsible for the accident that creates the Hulk.

The Avengers: Starring Zach Efron as Rick Jones!

If there is one thing Michael Bay has taught us, it is that the movie can’t be about the titular characters.  Despite many examples to the contrary, Bay feels that a successful movie has to be told from the perspective of an everyman character.

The Bayvengers movie would have featured Rick Jones witnessing the creation of the Hulk.  As a result, he (and probably his wise cracking best friend) would have been whisked away to S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters where they would have met the Avengers.

Except we would have gotten a slightly different roster of Avengers.  Hawkeye and Black Widow?  They would have been excluded.  Instead, we would have gotten “funny” characters like Hercules and Starfox.

Instead of the Avengers providing brief moments of humor that fit in with the plot, we would have gotten over the top antics.  Remember how they managed to make the Hulk funny while not distracting from the movie or taking him out of character?  Michael Bay would have made him a clumsy oaf who got laughs due to slapstick comedy.

Why humans no like Hulk’s fashion sense?

Remember those awesome action scenes?  We wouldn’t have gotten them.  Instead, all of the fights would have been shot super close up so that you couldn’t tell exactly what was taking place.

After all, when Thor fights the Hulk, we don’t want to see them actually hitting each other, right?  We want to just see a tangle of CGI where we can’t figure out what we’re looking at!

In the end, it wouldn’t have been Iron Man who flew a nuclear bomb to the alien spaceship.  Instead, Rick Jones would have accidentally snuck onto their ship and blown it up.  And his best friend would have been the one who figured out how to close the portal.  Because who needs superheroes when an ordinary human can be the one to save the day?

Sure, it would have still made a lot of money.  But I think we would have all left feeling a bit disappointed.

But if anyone is upset because they didn’t get to see that movie, I have good news for you!  Based on the previews, it looks like Battleship is going to give you everything you hoped for!

Yes, there’s a good chance that this movie sucks.


About The Cutter

I am the Cutter. I write some stuff. You might like it, you might not. Please decide for yourself.
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2 Responses to The Avengers vs. Michael Bay

  1. An Avengers movie from Rick Jones’ point of view? Ugh, that would have been horrible, and I could see Michael Bay doing that.

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