If you’ve wondered why I haven’t blogged much lately, it is partially because I’ve spent the past two weekends attending weddings.  Along the way, I’ve learned (or re-learned) some things, and I will now share those lessons with you.

Lesson learned: If you’re going to arrive early, eat beforehand or bring snacks

The first wedding we attended was for Dribbles and The Colorado Kid.  The wedding took place in Pennsylvania, not too far from my parents.  This provided us with a place to stay for the night and free babysitting, both of which help keep the event from costing us too much.

Since I wasn’t too familiar with the area, we decided to give ourselves some extra time to arrive.  Driving my mother’s BMW (the ultimate driving machine!) we made excellent time and arrived early.  We were both a little hungry when we arrived, and I suggested that we go get some snacks beforehand.  Mrs. Cutter said that we should probably just go and be seated.

This was a mistake.  The invite told people to arrive half an hour before the ceremony began.  I agree fully with this decision, as the last thing you want is for people to arrive while the ceremony is in progress.  But unfortunately, it left us rather famished by the time the ceremony started.

Once the cocktail hour began, we were able to satiate our hunger with an excellent selection of hors d’oeuvres.  Not too long after, I realized that eating so quickly on an empty stomach was having a negative effect on me.  I soon had to retreat to the facility’s bathroom.

While it wasn’t my worst wedding-related bathroom experience, (or really even second worst) I definitely made my mark on the facility.  I ultimately emerged unscathed, and ready to down some of the excellent prime rib.

Lesson learned: Children in weddings are cute…to an extent

For our wedding, Mrs. Cutter and I decided we didn’t want to invite any children.  It was a nighttime affair at an expensive hall, and we felt that children didn’t belong there.  We figured that people would understand and adhere to our wishes.

We were wrong.  Apparently, some people with children get very upset when they are told that they can’t bring them.  Sometimes people will actually go to great lengths to get their children invited.  Despite those efforts, we held our ground and made it clear that under no circumstances would children be permitted.

We thought that maybe we’d feel differently when we had children of our own.  So far, that has not been  the case.  If anything, we are more grateful for the absence of our child, as it allows us to enjoy ourselves without having to take care of her all night.

I knew from earlier discussion that the Colorado Kid felt the same way, and there would be no children at the reception.  However, they would have a ring bearer and flower girl in the ceremony.  The wedding procession had a long way to walk, and the flower girl wasn’t especially strong walker.  She was helped along by the ring bearer (presumably her brother), but he wasn’t that much older, and it resulted in quite a few falls along the way.

Seeing a dressed-up little girl fall is kind of adorable at first.  It made us a bit sad that the Cutlet has never gotten to serve as a flower girl.  We soon learned that the child’s falls become less adorable each time.  By the end, we were all kind of cringing and wondering if it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world for someone to pick her up and carry her the rest of the way.

Lesson learned: The right band can make a wedding

The girl did eventually complete her journey, and the ceremony could begin.  It was a pleasant ceremony, and it certainly didn’t overstay its welcome.  After the couple shared their first kiss, the orchestra played the Star Wars theme, reminding me that the bride and groom are huge nerds.

After that, it was soon time for the reception to begin.  As I’ve said before, I prefer DJs to bands at weddings, but if you’re going to get a band, you’d better get a good one.  Fortunately, this particular band delivered. 

I was saddened that they didn’t fully commit to the Star Wars theme and have the band dress up like this.

They played their songs well, and most importantly, managed the flow of the reception with precision.  The dance floor was packed all night, and at one point someone even remarked that it looked like a “Jewish mosh pit.”

Lesson learned: Drunken Mr. and Mrs. Cutter = Fun Mr. and Mrs. Cutter

Since I had to drive back to my parent’s home, I wasn’t able to drink much at that wedding, although it certainly didn’t stop me from cutting a mean rug on the dance floor.

For the second wedding, we decided to get a hotel room and have the mother-in-law watch the Cutlet.  That meant that Mr. and Mrs. Blondness would get the pleasure of having a drunk Mr. and Mrs. Cutter at their wedding!

We don’t get much of an opportunity to drink together anymore, so we may have gotten a bit hyper at times, especially on the dance floor.  I’m not sure the people around us appreciated our chaotic style, but they were probably jealous of how awesome we were.

Lesson learned: The bread sticks were good

The ceremony and reception were both held at the Rusty Scupper restaurant on Baltimore’s inner harbor.  Sadly, it rained in the evening, so the ceremony could not be held outside on the porch as originally planned.  But once the rain storm ended, we were able to go outside and appreciate the amazing view.

Baltimore may have some issues, but the view around the harbor area is not one of them.  I think I may have commented on this to everyone who went outside.

The food itself was good, but the bread sticks they served were amazing.  I mean, these things were GOOD.  We practically forced the waitress to go back and get us a couple more baskets of them.  I may not ultimately remember much about this wedding, but I will definitely remember the breadsticks.

I’m getting excited just thinking about them

I even commented that the wedding in general, and the breadsticks in particular actually made me believe in love again.  Then again, I said that a lot of things made be believe in love again that night.  I think I even told one of the guys sitting at our table that he should sleep with the bride’s mother because it would have made me believe in love again.  Sadly, he didn’t listen to my suggestion.

Lesson learned: Gambling makes everything better

During the ceremony, a brilliant idea came to me: What would make a wedding reception even better?  Gambling! 

Since we couldn’t really place odds on whether or not the bride or groom would make a run for it, I came up with a decent idea and proposed it to our table: Everyone throws in a dollar and picks a song.  The first person who has their song played wins the pot.  Sadly, we had to specify that no, you were not allowed to request your own song.

The game added a sense of excitement to the affair, as we all eagerly anticipated each new song.  As the reception progressed, the tension began to mount.  So imagine our disappointment when the ceremony ended and NONE OF OUR SONGS WERE PLAYED! 

It wasn’t like we had picked obscure songs, or that they played a strange selection.  Just somehow, they managed to not play any of the ones we picked.  At that point, we all just sadly took back our dollars.

Lesson learned: Haunted hotel rooms make for a bad night’s sleep

Getting to sleep was easy at first.  Due to the overabundance of food and drink, I just kind of passed out.  A little after 4 AM, both Mrs. Cutter and I were awoken by a noise that sounded like a child’s voice.

Mrs. Cutter sleepily asked me what it was, and I said it was probably just a kid in the hallway.  It was then that I awoke a little further and noticed that the room’s smoke detector was lit up in a green light.  Up until that point, it had merely been blinking with a white light.  It also appeared that the room was filled with a mist of some sort.

The thought did go through my head that maybe the room was haunted.  A second later the green light soon went out and we didn’t hear any more noises.  Still, I think that might have made me sleep a little less soundly than I normally would have.  Either that, or the alcohol might have been affecting my sleep.

In the morning, I shared my haunting theory with Mrs. Cutter who became retroactively freaked out.  She was very thankful I didn’t say anything in the middle of the night though.

We asked the front desk if there were any reports of ghosts in the hotel or that room in particular, but he said he had not heard of any.  If it was indeed a ghost, at least it didn’t seem to cause us any harm. 

If anyone is going to be staying at the Royal Sonesta, you should probably just avoid room 532.  Or maybe you should specifically request it…IF YOU DARE!!!

Sleep tight, suckers!

Lesson learned: Give us good service…or else

In the morning, Mrs. Cutter was feeling a little hungover, so we sought out a good place to eat brunch.  The front desk clerk recommended the restaurant upstairs which featured a breakfast buffet.  It is no secret that I am a huge fan of buffets.  Mrs. Cutter was simply a fan of eating someplace quickly, so we headed upstairs.

We were told that they needed a few minutes to clear off some tables.  After five minutes or so, we were seated and handed menus. 

Sadly, that would be about the only attention from the staff that we would receive.  There was a creepy looking woman walking around, and she seemed to be a server, but she didn’t come over to take our order or anything like that.  She just kind of stared at us a few times.

Mrs. Cutter had thought about ordering off of the menu, but since nobody seemed to be in a big hurry to take our order, we decided to just help ourselves to the buffet.  After we returned to our seats, we still hadn’t gotten any attention, so I flagged down a nearby employee (still not sure what his actual role was) and asked him for some water.  After giving me a very put-upon look, he finally managed to pour us some water.

Eventually, a server did come by and ask us if we wanted drinks, but by that point, we were already well into our meal and didn’t need anything.  Once our first plates were finished, we got into the line at the omelette station.  Since the omelettes were custom-made, it took a decent amount of time.  When we returned to our table, we found that it had been completely cleared.  Our silverware, napkins, and glasses were all gone.

Obviously, we were a bit annoyed.  Mrs. Cutter flagged down Creepy Woman who asked what the problem was.  When Mrs. Cutter explained the situation, she still didn’t seem to think anything was wrong.  Mrs. Cutter asked for more silverware and napkins to be brought down and started voicing how bad the service had been, especially considering this was not a cheap place to eat.

The woman tried to explain, “Well, it is very crowded.”  That might have been a valid explanation – if not an actual good excuse – if not for the fact that it really wasn’t crowded.  There were empty tables, and didn’t seem to be an especially large number of customers present.  When we said that we thought that was unacceptable, she asked us, “Do you think it’s a problem with management?”

We told her that we didn’t know, nor care what the problem was, only that the service sucked.  She continued to stare at us until I told her we’d just like to try to finish our meal.

You’d think after we complained that they might be extra attentive.  Instead, they seemed to avoid us even further, which we wouldn’t have thought was even possible considering the extent that they had avoided us so far.  We finished our meal in peace, and fortunately were able to take another trip to the buffet without our table being cleared.

After our meal was done, I realized that based on how things had gone thus far, it might take a while to get our check.  I tried to get our server’s attention, but this task was made difficult by the fact that she was avoiding eye contact at all costs.  It even seemed like she might be hiding from us. 

I tried to grab the guy who brought us the water earlier, only to get him to hold up his finger as if to say, “I’m busy, but it will be one second.”  I think he probably intended to hold up a different finger, because he walked away from us, never to return.

After a few more minutes, I told Mrs. Cutter that they had two more minutes, or we were simply leaving.  Those two minutes passed, so we got up and left.  After all, they had already cleared our table once, so they clearly weren’t all that concerned with us paying for our meal.

I felt kind of bad, but considering how lousy the service was, they kind of deserved it.

Lesson learned: The next day is what gets you

Upon returning home, we re-learned the problem with going out these days.  Sure, we might get a little tired at night, but ultimately we can handle it.  The real difficulty comes the next day when we can’t just lazily sit around and recover from the night before.

No, we had to deal with a fussy toddler, who was being a handful despite the presence of her grandmother.  She seemed determine to make us pay for every ounce of fun we had enjoyed the night before.

I’ll say that the price we paid was well worth it though.  Not only did we get to help our friends celebrate, but I also now believe in love again!  Hooray for love!


About The Cutter

I am the Cutter. I write some stuff. You might like it, you might not. Please decide for yourself.
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