Apocalypse Now?

If the Mayans were correct, then the world ends tomorrow.

I wasn’t entirely sure if the apocalypse would start sometime during the day tomorrow, or if it would begin at the stroke of midnight in New Zealand.  Due to the uncertainty, I figured that I’d better get my affairs in order today rather than wait for tomorrow when it might be too late.

I’m kind of curious how the world is going to end.  Will the rapture occur?  Will the Earth shift on its axis like in the movie 2012?  Will zombies rise from the grave?  Will we get the Nazi dinosaurs that I talked about yesterday?

It’s all so exciting to speculate about!

What it might look like tomorrow


Last year, when I was concerned that the rapture was imminent, I listed some positives and negatives.  So just in case the Mayans were accurate about the end of the world, I figured I would do something similar.  Here are some positives and negatives outcomes of the (possibly) pending apocalypse:

Negative outcome of the apocalypse: No fantasy football glory

After last year’s epic fail of a fantasy football team resulted in me capturing the league’s last place trophy, I came back with a fury this season, and my team will be competing in the championship game this weekend.

How did I do it?  A combination of good drafting, smart waiver wire pickups, and good luck.

I have to figure that the apocalypse would cause this weekend’s NFL games to get cancelled.  It would be a real shame if I couldn’t pull off the amazing worst-to-first turnaround because of it.

Positive outcome of the apocalypse: Less traffic on the road

Since I’ve moved, I’ve had to deal with a longer commute.  If the apocalypse does happen, then I’m guessing there will be a lot fewer people on the road.  Sure, it might take some time to clear away all the abandoned cars and clean up all the damage from the inevitable accidents, but once that’s done?  Clear sailing!

Positive outcome of the apocalypse: Swords!

For a long time, I’ve thought about how awesome it would be to have a sword. For just about as long, Mrs. Cutter has been adamant that having a sword in our home would not be a good idea.

When the end times come, it might not be a pretty scene.  Chances are, we’re going to need some weapons to defend ourselves, and a sword seems like a pretty good option.

If we are being overrun by an army of demons, I think Mrs. Cutter would be very grateful to have a sword around.

Negative outcome of the apocalypse: No watching Christmas Vacation

One of my favorite holiday traditions is watching the classic movie National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.  It is by far my favorite Christmas movie, and probably one of my top five favorite movies ever.

Needless to say, if I don’t get a chance to watch it, I’d be a little bummed.

No Cousin Eddie would make for a sad Christmas

No Cousin Eddie would make for a sad Christmas

Positive outcome of the apocalypse: The Big East might be saved

I don’t have the time nor space to go into all the details of the ever-going saga of realignment in college sports, but here’s a brief summary of my interest: After many years of being left out, Temple was finally invited into the Big East conference.  Unfortunately, now that they’re in, the Big East is not the place to be, and most of the good teams are doing their best to leave it.

If you enjoy Dr. Seuss analogies, (and who doesn’t?) Temple is like a plain bellied Sneetch who went through the star-on machine, only to find that it was no longer good to have a star on your belly.

I was going to paste the Temple logo onto the Sneetch's belly, but that would take too much effort

I was going to paste the Temple logo onto the Sneetch’s belly, but that would take too much effort

I’m pretty sure that the apocalypse is about the only thing that could save the Big East from complete collapse at this point.

Positive outcome of the apocalypse: No more Disney music

I told you how the Cutlet enjoys her Disney music?  That obsession has not lessened.

I sometimes try to put on different music, and she throws a fit, and keeps asking to hear the same Disney songs over and over.  Unfortunately, now due to the longer commute in the morning, that means I have even more time to listen to these songs.

The apocalypse might be the only thing that can free me from this fate for the next few years.

“Sorry, sweetie.  We can’t listen to Ariel.  That song was destroyed by the zombie hordes.”

It was disturbing how many search results "Zombie Ariel" turned up.

It was disturbing how many search results turned up for “Zombie Ariel”.

Positive outcome of the apocalypse: More despair for Redskins fans

After years of being awful, things finally seem to be looking up for the followers of the Washington football team.  They’ve got a quarterback who looks like he might soon be the biggest star in the league, and they’re on track for a playoff spot this season.

Heck, if you asked some Redskins fans, they might say that RG3 could probably prevent the apocalypse from happening.  He’s just that darn good.

As I’ve mentioned, I do get a perverse thrill from the despair of Redskins fans, so it would bring a small smile to my face to see all their hopes vanish due to the end of the world.

Negative outcome of the apocalypse: The 31 Days of Blogging might be cut short

I’m pretty sure that if something bad goes down tomorrow, I’m not going to be able to stick with my plan of blogging every day this month.  And while most people would probably excuse my lack of commitment due to either being away from the internet or dead, I still think it would reflect poorly on me.

Negative outcome out the apocalypse: Bad timing

For a variety of reason, 2012 has not been the greatest year in my life.

But in recent days, it finally feels like things are starting to turn my way, setting up 2013 to be a very good year for me.  It would be a real shame for the world to end now before I even got to enjoy it.

If this truly is the end, I suppose that I should say goodbye.  Thanks to everyone who has read The Cutter Rambles over the years.  I’d like to think that I entertained you a little, and if you weren’t careful, you might have learned something too!

And if it isn’t the end?  Well then, I guess I’ll be back tomorrow with yet another post!  See you then!  (I hope)


About The Cutter

I am the Cutter. I write some stuff. You might like it, you might not. Please decide for yourself.
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