Last year on Christmas Day, I conducted an interview with (a fictional version of) pop singer Michael Bublé.
It was a lot of fun, so I figured we’d make it an annual tradition and do it again!
Cutter: How are you doing this year, Michael?
MB: Quite well! If you haven’t noticed, Christmas has kind of become my thing. I’ve become more synonymous with the holiday than Jesus and Santa combined.
Cutter: That might be a little bit of an exaggeration.
MB: Is it? Is it really? My Christmas special is now the official highlight of the season. If you ask people on the street what they like most about Christmas, they’ll assuredly say, “Michael Bublé’s Home for the Holidays.”
Cutter: I’ve never actually seen the special. But I heard that you sang a duet with Elmo.
MB: Of course I did! Elmo’s a good friend of mine, and I certainly wasn’t going to abandon him just because he’s going through some rough times right now.
Cutter: So Jerry Sandusky was unavailable?
MB: I’m going to just ignore the snideness of that question and say, that yes, he is unavailable since he’s in prison.
Cutter: And hey, Carly Rae Jespen was there. Good to see that you invited all the timeless legends.
MB: I was under a lot of pressure from the Canadian government for that one.
Cutter: There are reports that you were supposed to have a duet with Reese Witherspoon on your next album, but things didn’t work out.
MB: Yes, that was a shame, but Reese simply wanted too much money. And let’s face it, if people are buying my album, it’s not because Reese Witherspoon is on it.
Cutter: I’m sure she’s got her share of fans.
MB: I wouldn’t be so sure. If she was a question on Jeopardy, the answer would be, “A woman who was hot in the 90’s, but not any more.”
Cutter: Speaking of that, I recently did a post where I asked some of my friends whether or not they’d do a few female celebrities.
MB: Ooh, that sounds fun. Hit me with the names!
MB: Did her.
Cutter: Did her?
MB: Two words for you: Beer goggles.
Cutter: Fair enough. Lady Gaga.
MB: Yep, did her too.
MB: It’s not exactly an exclusive club, if you know what I mean.
MB: Three for three. And I’m really not proud about that one.
Cutter: So why’d you do it?
MB: In full honesty, I thought she was my manager’s mom, and I wanted to play a prank on him. It wasn’t until later when someone told her who she was. I took a long, hot shower after that one.
Cutter: I’m almost scared to say the last name.
MB: Just do it. There’s a very good chance the answer is yes. As a celebrity, it is part of your civic duty to spread your seed as far and wide as possible.
Cutter: Kelly Osbourne.
Cutter: Kelly Osbourne. Ozzy’s daughter.
Cutter: Ozzy Osbourne. You know the rock legend?
MB: Sorry, not ringing a bell. You got a picture of her?
MB: Oh hell no! Not with yours! Come on, man. Even I have some standards.
Cutter: Remember last year when I said that an internet site said you looked like me?
MB: Sadly, yes.
Cutter: Well, one of my friends was watching TV with his daughter, and when you came on the screen, she thought it was me.
MB: I’m not commenting.
Cutter: Well, we’re almost out of time. Would you grace us with a singing performance?
MB: Of course!
Cutter: Thanks! And thanks again for taking the time to talk to me.
MB: No problem! See you again next year?
Cutter: Most likely. Merry Christmas everybody!