Women on Women

After doing the second “Would you?” post, I promised to do another post in which women analyzed other women.

I got quite a bit of feedback from my panel of “experts.”  I’m not sure if I chose a better panel this time, or if women are just WAY more opinionated when it comes to other women.

Our panel consists of Chastity, Lyssie, Alenaghan, and Mrs. Cutter.

Here are the celebrities they were given to debate:

Jennifer Love Hewitt

Jennifer Love Hewitt

Chastity – She has a good body, for sure, but she really grates my nerves.  She gives off a really, clingy, needy vibe.  Plus, she played one of the most whiny, annoying characters in the history of television on Party of Five.  For that alone, no!

Lyssie – Gotta give it to the girl, she is smokin’ hot.  I’d kill for those boobs and hair.

She definitely knows how to work the sex appeal, which is great, and she’s also got the girl next door thing going on, seems really sweet and innocent. Which is why I feel so bad about this, but not a snowball’s chance in hell.

The media is horrible to her, but she doesn’t help her own case with her interviews and she just reeks of desperation. I feel like she would be planning a future while I congratulated myself on fulfilling a wine-fueled lesbian fantasy and coming up with ways to leave.

Alenaghan – She’s one of my least favorite celebrities ever.

Looks-wise, she has an awesome body (especially her rack), and I can see why men would want to bang her, but she gives off major, major creepy desperate vibes. She’s the girl who spends the entire time whining about being single and probably doesn’t have any female friends because all she can talk about is herself and/or the men in her life.

Mrs. Cutter – She’s got big boobs and she’s a horrible actress.  There’s nothing really else to say about her.

Cutter’s take – It’s nice to know that some things will remain constant throughout time.  One of those things is that women will always hate JLH.  I mean, if the whole Sandra Bullock thing happened to her, women probably would have sided with Jesse James!

And I don’t know why her acting gets hated on.  I watched the Ghost Whisperer.  There was real emotion there!

Andie MacDowell

Andie MacDowell

Chastity – I typically would rule out a Southerner automatically, but I like her. Her accent isn’t overly annoying, and she has great hair! She’s made out with Hugh Grant, and I am a little jealous about that… but I can only hope to age half as well as she has, so yes.

Lyssie – Though IMDB.com tells me she has had a full resume over the past decade, all I can picture is hairspray and mom-jeans. She isn’t totally unfortunate looking and has a decent body (when I can get away from mental images of horrific 90’s clothing), but dark lipstick and curls just don’t do it for me.

Also, she has an extremely large forehead, I am curious as to how many botox needles it keeps to maintain all that real estate.

Alenaghan – MILF. She’s aged really well without looking creepy and plastic, and seems normal and likeable. If I were a lesbian into May-December romances, why not?

Mrs. Cutter – Isn’t she old now?  What has she been in?  I don’t even know what she looks like anymore.

Cutter’s Take – Poor Andie has apparently fallen off the radar.  I think I remember seeing her in some sort of beauty product commercial, so I guess someone finds her attractive.  And they very well should considering she’s my lookalike.

Anne Hathaway

Anne Hathaway

Chastity – She seems to have a nice personality based on all her TV interviews, but looks-wise…umm no way. She has Tori Spelling-ish eyes, and something is off about the rest of her facial features.

Then she cut her hair, which was the one good thing she had going for her. Now she has that nasty “Julia Roberts in Hook” hair, which is sooo not good.

Lyssie – Whiner whiner whiner. I’m jealous of her hair and sexy catsuit in The Dark Knight Rises, but that is as far as it goes.

She has played too many froo-froo good girl princess types, and I just find her horribly annoying and a sub par actress. She is also a victim of dark lipstick, too pale skin with dark hair. No one needs to pay THAT much attention to your mouth honey, it’s creepy.

Also, she needs to keep that mouth shut about her Oscar hunt.  We get it, you think you deserve one and will act like you don’t to play mind games with us. It’s like 6th grade. I understood why she cut her hair for a role, but now she’s just an insult to terminally ill people everywhere. Grow it back.  It is ALL you had going for you Anne! In summary, no.

Alenaghan – In my fantasy world, she would play me in the movie. She is gorgeous, amped up her sex appeal as Catwoman, and seems really smart and sweet.

She’s turned kind of fame-whorey in the past few months though.  I give her points off for the “accidental” flashing incident (there is no such thing as “accidental” crotch flash, come on).

Mrs. Cutter – Ugh. I don’t know how anyone could possibly be attracted to her. Having her follow Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman is absolutely ridiculous. No, I wouldn’t do her and I’m a little insulted that you would.

Cutter’s Take – Sorry, but she’s hot.  Really hot.  Like “top of my list” hot.  I would go on further, but I don’t want Mrs. Cutter to get too upset.

Yes, the short hair isn’t a good look, but that was clearly done for Oscar attention.  Nobody holds it against Charlize Theron when she uglies herself up for a role.  The hair will grow back, and she’ll be hot again.

Kristen Stewart

Kristen Stewart

Chastity – She has a man face with stoner eyes. She looks like a miserable bitch and also a little dirty (as in not clean or well-kept).

I think she might have been a cute kid, but she hasn’t aged that well. She’s nowhere near Lindsay Lohan bad-aging, but I would still say no.

Lyssie – While I think I’ve only ever watched one movie she has ‘acted’ in (and it wasn’t Twilight), I can safely say not only no, but HELL NO.

The girl looks like she smells. The permanent scowl of scorn is not attractive on her. She hasn’t got anything of a body going for her either. I don’t care for her smelly looking boyfriend, but her cheating antics-for-attention cemented her as one of my least favorite ‘actresses’ ever. Smelly.

Alenaghan – I guess she’s sexy but who can really tell behind the curtain of hair and pouts? Definitely not likable, but I may be biased since I spent all of Twilight wanting to slap Bella for being so whiny.

Mrs. Cutter – What’s wrong with her mouth? Why does she always have that smirk? Somebody needs to explain to her how to wear clothes without holes in them. She dresses like a 12 year old boy or someone who has been run through a shredder.

And we’re supposed to believe that she’s more attractive than Charlize Theron? Come on!

Cutter’s Take – I don’t know, she just does it for me.  I think it’s because you look at her and think, “Yeah, she’s attractive, but I think if I ever met her at a party, I’d actually have a decent chance.”

Julia Roberts

Julia Roberts

Chastity – I think she might be a pretty annoying person in real life, but Pretty Woman Julia Roberts – yeah (despite having a ridiculously huge mouth). I’m probably just envious of the shopping trip though.

Also, maybe yes to the Julia Roberts in the Oceans movies. Every other JR – no thank you (a BIG no to her in Hook!).

Lyssie – The hair! The attitude! The Cussing! I love it, every little bit! I can get past all the teeth and say she’s flat-out gorgeous.

She has surmounted the 90’s stigma that holds Andie back. I don’t care how old she is, she’s got an amazing body, as showcased in several of her films. She owns every role, and feuds with her family to boot, what is not to love?

She strikes me as funny, honest, and the most down-to-earth of all the candidates, and probably the least self-conscious in bed!

Alenaghan – Striking but not sexy. She has aged well, though. I’ve heard she’s kind of a bitch so I probably wouldn’t want to hang out with her.

Mrs. Cutter – I don’t think of her as drop dead gorgeous but she has a classic beauty about her. I’d like to be her friend and go out to lunch with her.

Cutter’s Take – Now this is interesting as the women appear to be split as to whether or not she’d be nice to hang out with in real life.

Personally, I never found her that attractive.  I kind of feel that she’s only considered attractive because the media has spent so much time telling us she was.

This has been interesting.  Thanks to our panelists, and I’ll probably be back soon with another list of women.

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About The Cutter

I am the Cutter. I write some stuff. You might like it, you might not. Please decide for yourself.
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3 Responses to Women on Women

  1. Squinty says:

    Mrs. Cutter, technically Anne Hathaway followed Halle Berry as CatWoman.

  2. Mandy says:

    I once saw a clip where JLH helped a paparazzo who fell down in front of her even though he was being all annoying and up in her face. Also, she played a character named Amanda in Can’t Hardly Wait, so we’re practically the same person. How can you hate that?

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