At 7:00, I was disturbed by Mrs. Cutter checking the baby monitor.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“I thought I heard her. I can’t tell, is she in her bed?”
I looked at the monitor. Due to the camera angle, I couldn’t tell if The Cutlet was under the covers or not. I opened our bedroom door and looked out. Her door was still closed. Since the child is capable of opening the door if she so pleases, I figured all was well.
I returned to bed, but Mrs. Cutter told me, “She’s definitely not in her bed.”
I got back up and opened her door.
“I peed all over the bed. I need to go potty.”
“Okay, you can go potty.”
As I was about to lead her to the bathroom, I stopped. I think I smelled it first, but then I saw it.
I think I’ll enlist the help of Maroon 5 to help me describe the situation.
(Sung to the tune of “Wake Up Call”)
Wake up call, came out in the morning with poop all over her bed.
Will she wear those PJs anymore? Wear those PJs? I don’t think so!
Kernels of corn, brown smears on the pillow, it was even up on her head.
She won’t sleep on those sheets anymore. We put her in the bath, and man, it smelled so bad. Oh, it smelled so bad. Damn, it smelled so baaaad!
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