First World Problems at the Office

Now that I’ve been at the new job for over a month, I have settled into a routine, and I feel that things are going relatively smoothly.

But I do have some complaints.

These aren’t major complaints. These aren’t even important complaints. These are whiny complaints that I’m sure most people would qualify as “first world problems.”

Please bear with me as I share them with you.

No Free WiFi available

My old company had its flaws, but they also had a powerful WiFi signal available throughout the office.  That allowed me to use my phone with impunity and not have to worry about how much data I had used that month.

Those good old days are over.  I now actually have to be mindful of how much data I’m using.  I feel like my iPhone has been crippled!

I feel the effect of this change most prominently when I’m on the can.  I used to take that opportunity to play social games such as Hanging With Friends or Scramble With Friends.

For those of you who I play against, if you’ve wondered why I’ve been playing a lot less, there’s your answer.  And yes, you can feel a little dirty about all the games that you’ve played against me now.

The elevator buttons are on the wrong side

My office is on the 6th floor of the building.  On days when I’m feeling especially motivated, I might walk up the stairs.  Most days, I use the elevator.

Walking from the building’s door towards the elevator, my momentum takes me towards the right side of the elevator.  Unfortunately, the elevator only has a control panel on one side of the door: The left side.

On the days when I remember this, I am forced to make an annoying left hand turn inside the elevator in order to press the buttons.  It totally kills my feng shui.

Wrong side!

Wrong side!

On the days when I don’t remember, I will absent-mindedly reach up to press my floor’s button, and SURPRISE!  My finger encounters nothing but steel.

It’s especially bad when there are other people on the elevator.  Then I have witnesses to both my phantom button press as well as the dumb look on my face when I realize my mistake.

People bring in crappy cookies

One of the greatest experiences for an office worker is walking into the break room and discovering that some generous soul has brought in a snack for everyone to enjoy.

It doesn’t matter if it’s cookies, candy, or donuts, it’s always a pleasant surprise.

Maybe I should say that it’s ALMOST always a pleasant surprise.

Maybe it’s too small of a sample size to make a judgment, but thus far, the cookies and candy that people have brought in have been lousy.  There have been two different types of cookies as well as a cake, and they’ve all been sub par.

The worst was when someone brought in some candies for Chinese New Year.  I don’t know what flavor I was supposed to be enjoying, but it tasted like wood.  I actually had to spit it out.

Why can’t someone just go to Safeway and buy a package of their chocolate chip cookies?  Those things are delicious!

Given more time, I could write a post comparing these cookies to the Borg from Star Trek (Image source: Flickr)

Given more time, I could write a post comparing these cookies to the Borg from Star Trek (Image source: Flickr)

On a side note, when I do enjoy the snack, I always feel a little awkward if I go back for a second helping.  If others are in the room, I have to make a fake, “Oh look, there are cookies here! Guess I’ll try one!” gesture so that nobody thinks I’m being a pig about it.

Eventually someone will discover that I am indeed a huge pig.  Yeah, I’m taking a second cookie.  There are no posted limits to how many cookies we are allowed!  I am perfectly within my rights to take another!

Maybe it’s for the best that the cookies have sucked thus far.

Naturally, just as I finished writing this, I ventured into the kitchen to find that someone brought in Dunkin Donuts and hamentashen! (Happy Purim, everybody!)

Is it possible that I’ve somehow reversed my bad snack karma?  I certainly hope so!


About The Cutter

I am the Cutter. I write some stuff. You might like it, you might not. Please decide for yourself.
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36 Responses to First World Problems at the Office

  1. twindaddy says:

    There should be no such thing as data limits. What a horrible excuse to gouge consumers.

  2. The Waiting says:

    Yay for good snacks! You are so right in saying that a good snack can make your day awesome and a bad snack can spoil it. I hope your snack luck is changing for good!

  3. Sweaty says:

    First you get the cookies, then you get the power, then you get the women….

  4. For you – I love this song – Talking Heads by Weird Al…

  5. are so lucky that someone brought in hamantaschen.

  6. Mandy says:

    While embarrassing, even worse than the phantom elevator button push is when metro switches an escalator direction, but you don’t realize it until you’re actually on the escalator. . . Also when you get off on the wrong floor of the elevator and then have to hop back on. . .

    • The Cutter says:

      I’ve done the wrong floor thing. I get amused by how little attention some people pay. Like if you’re going to floor 11, and it stops at 10, OK I understand why you’d think you were at your floor. But some people go to 11, and accidentally get off at like 4. Did you think the elevator developed super speed or something?

  7. Blaze says:

    Do you really do the fake “Ohhh look cookies!?!?!” move?

  8. ly says:

    Had a grad school class on the 4th floor. Can’t tell you how many times I stood in the elevator wondering why it wasn’t moving. You do actually have to push a button. (I won’t tell which University admitted me.)

  9. UndercoverL says:

    Can I suggest you start bringing a cane in to work with you? It would solve almost all of your problems: Buttons on the wrong side? Use the cane. Yummy cookie thievery? Knock the box on the floor with your cane and then offer to throw them out… at your desk. Crappy cookie thwarting? Smack the sucker with your cane. As for the wi-fi? Sorry, that sucks. The Wi-Fi at my house/office isn’t free either. 😦

  10. djmatticus says:

    No free wi-fi at my office either. It’s a drag. Worse than no good snacks, well I think it’s worse anyway, is no snacks at all. Everyone in my office is in their own little world and they never bring in donuts or cookies or anything like that to share (hardly ever). It’s. Freaking. Terrible!

    • The Cutter says:

      Maybe you need to bring in something and get the ball rolling. (I realize I could follow my own advice, but so far I’ve been in whining mode, not solutions mode)

  11. I completely understand this. When I switched jobs one of the first things that irked me was the different position of the elevator buttons. It’s other, and it’s wrong. Also, I didn’t like my coffee selection at the new gig. I learned to deal with it eventually but the growing pains were tough. And not having unlimited free wi-fi is just bullshit. I feel your pain, sir.

  12. MissFourEyes says:

    No WiFi?! I feel for you.
    I didn’t think there was such a thing as a bad cookie…..or maybe I just never noticed because I’m too busy plotting ways to get another

  13. Ippo says:

    No free WIFI??? That’s heresy!!! :p

  14. The Hook says:

    Hang in there! I feel your pain.

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