Now that I’ve been at the new job for over a month, I have settled into a routine, and I feel that things are going relatively smoothly.
But I do have some complaints.
These aren’t major complaints. These aren’t even important complaints. These are whiny complaints that I’m sure most people would qualify as “first world problems.”
Please bear with me as I share them with you.
No Free WiFi available
My old company had its flaws, but they also had a powerful WiFi signal available throughout the office. That allowed me to use my phone with impunity and not have to worry about how much data I had used that month.
Those good old days are over. I now actually have to be mindful of how much data I’m using. I feel like my iPhone has been crippled!
I feel the effect of this change most prominently when I’m on the can. I used to take that opportunity to play social games such as Hanging With Friends or Scramble With Friends.
For those of you who I play against, if you’ve wondered why I’ve been playing a lot less, there’s your answer. And yes, you can feel a little dirty about all the games that you’ve played against me now.
The elevator buttons are on the wrong side
My office is on the 6th floor of the building. On days when I’m feeling especially motivated, I might walk up the stairs. Most days, I use the elevator.
Walking from the building’s door towards the elevator, my momentum takes me towards the right side of the elevator. Unfortunately, the elevator only has a control panel on one side of the door: The left side.
On the days when I remember this, I am forced to make an annoying left hand turn inside the elevator in order to press the buttons. It totally kills my feng shui.
On the days when I don’t remember, I will absent-mindedly reach up to press my floor’s button, and SURPRISE! My finger encounters nothing but steel.
It’s especially bad when there are other people on the elevator. Then I have witnesses to both my phantom button press as well as the dumb look on my face when I realize my mistake.
People bring in crappy cookies
One of the greatest experiences for an office worker is walking into the break room and discovering that some generous soul has brought in a snack for everyone to enjoy.
It doesn’t matter if it’s cookies, candy, or donuts, it’s always a pleasant surprise.
Maybe I should say that it’s ALMOST always a pleasant surprise.
Maybe it’s too small of a sample size to make a judgment, but thus far, the cookies and candy that people have brought in have been lousy. There have been two different types of cookies as well as a cake, and they’ve all been sub par.
The worst was when someone brought in some candies for Chinese New Year. I don’t know what flavor I was supposed to be enjoying, but it tasted like wood. I actually had to spit it out.
Why can’t someone just go to Safeway and buy a package of their chocolate chip cookies? Those things are delicious!
On a side note, when I do enjoy the snack, I always feel a little awkward if I go back for a second helping. If others are in the room, I have to make a fake, “Oh look, there are cookies here! Guess I’ll try one!” gesture so that nobody thinks I’m being a pig about it.
Eventually someone will discover that I am indeed a huge pig. Yeah, I’m taking a second cookie. There are no posted limits to how many cookies we are allowed! I am perfectly within my rights to take another!
Maybe it’s for the best that the cookies have sucked thus far.
Naturally, just as I finished writing this, I ventured into the kitchen to find that someone brought in Dunkin Donuts and hamentashen! (Happy Purim, everybody!)
Is it possible that I’ve somehow reversed my bad snack karma? I certainly hope so!