My family made our annual trip to Long Island to visit the in-laws for the Easter holiday. It wasn’t the most memorable trip, but I will share some highlights:
Relaxation? Such a thing exists?
I found myself in a very unusual situation on Friday morning. The Cutlet was out with her grandmother getting a manicure, while Mrs. Cutter was at a yoga class. There was no child to look after, there was no housework to be done, and I didn’t even have the capability to log into my work computer.
It didn’t seem possible, but I had actual free time on my hands. I took advantage by staying in my pajamas and reading a book before taking a brief nap.
Eventually, everyone returned home, and I was forced to re-animate. But while that free time lasted, it was wonderful. I hope to experience it again in a few years.
With the Cutlet being tended to by her grandparents, Mrs. Cutter and I went out for dinner and a movie. As promised, the movie we saw was G.I.Joe: Retaliation. (Warning: Spoilers ahead)
I talked Mrs. Cutter into seeing the movie by telling her that Channing Tatum was in it. She assumed that he would be heavily featured and take his shirt off. She did not expect him to die within the first half hour. She was not happy about this.
I did not like the movie as much as the first one. It wasn’t bad, but – as strange as this sounds – I thought it needed to be stupider.
The first one seemed very self-aware that it was a big, stupid movie based on a toy. This one tried to be more of a serious action movie. That’s tough to do when your main villain is wearing a silver mask and you’ve got a blind ninja master offering disposition.
On the bright side, there were lots of ninjas fighting. That’s always cool.
You suck, LA Fitness
Easter weekend is often a cataclysm of overeating, so I decided to counter that by going to the gym on Saturday. I located a nearby LA Fitness, figuring that my membership would allow me to use the facility.
Apparently, my multi-club membership is good for every club…except for those in New York state. The justification is that the “cost of living is higher there.” I was helpfully told that I could still use their club if I paid a one-time guest fee.
In typical Cutter fashion, I told them what they could do with their guest fee. Instead, I went to a nearby Home Depot and worked out in the parking lot. It was a decent workout, but not what I was hoping for.
The cat and other sleeping difficulties
My mother-in-law’s house has a guest room complete with a comfortable queen sized bed. Unfortunately, the Cutlet’s toddler bed is also located in this room. Since we’ve had issues with sharing a room with the Cutlet before, we instead choose to sleep on the sofa bed in the upstairs loft.
The sofa bed isn’t uncomfortable, but it isn’t the most comfortable thing to sleep on either.
Friday night, on two separate occasions, I was jostled awake by Mrs. Cutter who informed me that I was snoring. Mrs. Cutter is overly sensitive about snoring, so I became paranoid about my breathing, trying to make sure that I didn’t snore.
This paranoia left me unable to sleep, so I moved downstairs to the couch. I quickly fell asleep, but about an hour later, I was woken by some odd sounds in the room. I couldn’t identify them at first, and I was slightly concerned that there was a ghost in the room. (It wouldn’t be my first haunting) Eventually, I discovered the source of the sounds: My mother-in-law’s cat.
My mother-in-law’s cat is not a pleasant creature. She doesn’t like most humans, and will growl and hiss at me if I go anywhere near her. We’ve taught the Cutlet that she is a “mean cat” and should only be approached if someone else is nearby.
The cat was not growling or hissing. It almost sounded like it was chanting. In my half-awake state, I assumed that the cat was praying to Satan. That would at least explain why she was normally so unpleasant.
Demonic cat or not, I was exhausted, so I tried to go back to sleep. This lasted for a couple of hours until the cat woke me again. This time, she was hacking up a furball. (Or maybe she was trying to exorcise the demon that possessed her. I’m not sure)Forced to choose between the snoring-sensitive wife and the demonic feline, I opted to return upstairs to the sofa bed.
Sadly, that was not the last of my sleeping issues.
Easter weekend almost always corresponds with the Jewish holiday of Passover. This causes some problems as my in-laws cooking pretty much revolves around pig (which I never eat) and pasta (which I can’t eat during Passover).
Fortunately, after about ten years of Easter visits, they seem to have figured it out. I am now usually provided with an alternative dish of cow or chicken.
On Saturday night, my stepfather-in-law made up a surf and turf dinner consisting of prime rib (my favorite!) and jumbo shrimp. It was good, but left me with a case of the meat sweats, and a stomach that was churning too hard for me to sleep.
So for the second consecutive night, I spent some time on the couch. Fortunately, the cat didn’t interrupt me with her satanic prayers.
The Easter Bunny is out of control
I thought kids generally received baskets of candy on Easter. I hadn’t realized that Easter has become Springtime Christmas.
In addition to the standard candy, the Cutlet also received a bunch of gifts. She got some books, some toys, and a couple of new princess dresses. Belle and Rapunzel’s wedding dress have been added to the collection. (Yes, Rapunzel also has a white wedding dress to go along with her standard purple one. Oh Disney, you just won’t quit, will you?)
Even the amount of candy she received was a bit excessive. I probably shouldn’t complain that much since I end up eating most of it, and I do enjoy my chocolate. But it has gotten to the point where even I am starting to ask, “Hey, shouldn’t we be talking about Jesus or something?”
Monday Night Raw
We flew home on Monday afternoon. Sadly, I wouldn’t have any time to relax because I had tickets to attend WWE’s Monday Night Raw at the Verizon Center.
Normally, I might have just skipped it. But it was the last Raw before Wrestlemania which is the WWE’s biggest event of the year. In the past, these final shows have had some memorable moments, so I didn’t want to miss out.
In addition, stars like The Rock and The Undertaker were going to be there live. Considering how rare their appearances are these days, I didn’t want to miss them.
Sadly, the show didn’t live up to expectations. Nothing of importance happened, and while the big stars were there, they didn’t do all that much, presumably to avoid injury.
By the end of the night, I was left feeling quite tired, and in need of a shower. In addition to the “airplane funk” that I had accumulated earlier, I now had “stadium funk” as well. I would have been concerned about my odor, but I was around a bunch of wrestling fans. I doubted too many of them noticed.
All in all, it was a successful weekend. The Cutlet certainly enjoyed herself, and Mrs. Cutter and I actually got some time to ourselves! What more can one ask for from a holiday that they don’t actually celebrate?