Geese Can Be Troublesome

A flock of geese lives near my office building.

I know this because I have seen them flying nearby and heard their loud, honking cries.  Also, the parking lot is sometimes a minefield of goose feces.

Aside from the occasional need to watch my step, the geese haven’t really impacted my life.  At least, they hadn’t until today.

Wanting to take advantage of the pleasant weather this morning, I decided to take a walk outside.  I was only about ten feet away from the building when I saw this in my path.


I assumed that this wasn’t going to be a major impediment to my walk.  I figured that the goose would soon continue on to wherever it was that geese went, and it would soon be out of my way.

Apparently, this particular goose didn’t have a very busy morning planned.  It seemed perfectly content to stay where it was.

Since most animals tend to retreat when they see a human walking towards them, I figured that if I just kept walking, the goose would warily head in the opposite direction.

I was wrong.  Instead of running away, the goose began to walk towards me and make a threatening hissing sound.

I hadn’t realized that geese were capable of hissing.  I would have taken video, but I was starting to become concerned that the goose was going to attack.  Not wanting to turn my back nor make a full retreat, I began to slowly creep backwards towards the building.

And then I stopped.  I realized that for the sake of my species, I had to take a stand.   I’m a human being!  The top of the food chain!  That goose should be cowering in fear of my awesome glory!

I halted my retreat, leaned forward, and extended my arms in a “Come at me, bro!” gesture.

The goose was unimpressed.

Realizing that I was about to physically confront a wild animal, I stepped off the path, and circled around the goose.  It kept hissing at me as if to call me a coward, but ultimately, I think I made the right move.

Could any good really come from fighting a goose?  What’s the best case scenario in this situation?  I kill the goose and serve him for dinner?  That seems like an awfully messy process.  Plus, I’d always be worried that the other geese were going to come after me seeking revenge.

Sadly, I’ll just have to go through life not knowing what it feels like to punch a goose in the face.

UPDATE: Thanks to Sweaty for sharing this video.  Next time I encounter a goose, I’ll be sure to use my lightsaber:

Note: I decided to submit this post to Yeah Write as part of their anniversary celebration.  Click on the link to read some other good entries!


About The Cutter

I am the Cutter. I write some stuff. You might like it, you might not. Please decide for yourself.
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56 Responses to Geese Can Be Troublesome

  1. The Hook says:

    You can always dream…

  2. Mancakes says:

    “Come at me, bro…” ha! 🙂

  3. claudiabette says:

    You faced that goose like a champ and I believe that the goose was secretly scared.

  4. Katie says:

    I was but a child when my first goose hissed at me. I was going over to say hello to it, and it scared the shit out of me.

    Since then, I’m wary of geese.

  5. merbear74 says:

    Geese are nasty mean things. I got chased by one long ago.

  6. Sweaty says:

    I remember when I was a tween going rollerblading, and being attacked by a goose because I got too close to her *whatever the hell baby geese are called*

  7. MissFourEyes says:

    Geese are evil. I always wonder what it is they want from us. Is it money? Our shoes? The shirts off our back so that they can go to their geese friends and brag about having beaten up a human? What is it?!

  8. twindaddy says:

    Geese are assholes. That’s all there is to it.

  9. Goose poop is toxic,,,don’t piss them off,,they may shi*t us to death.

  10. goldfish says:

    Lol. You can take him. 🙂

  11. Oh my goodness. I was once chased by a swan- it was seriously one of the scariest moments of my life. Those geese look just as intimidating!

  12. Laura says:

    Geese are scary! They stalked the campus when I was a college students, honking and hissing at innocent passersby. Something should be done about those vicious creatures, really.

  13. Geese are so mean! And I like birds. Geese, I only like looking at from afar.

  14. Geese are freaky creatures. Smart move in avoiding conflict.

    That video was absolutely hilarious, by the way. Thanks for sharing!

  15. claudiabette says:

    That video is hilarious!

  16. gem says:

    Your post gave me a chuckle. My dad has always told me that geese are mean. And one particular rooster… his brother was visiting (dad’s, not rooster’s bro) and clucked at the rooster from then on. I want to know what he clucked, it must have rhymed with cluck cause the rioster was like a psychotic enraged killer from then on.

  17. Robbie says:

    Funny stuff. I’ve been told that if you hiss at a goose it will back off.

  18. 50peach says:

    I just teared up, crying laughing at that video. Those suckers are MEAN and their hiss is no joke. Thanks for the fun post and belly laughs.

  19. Bee says:

    I didn’t know that geese hiss, either, but I’ve heard that they can be really mean to humans!

  20. There are geese along the path I run on Sunday mornings, and they are downright vicious. Better to stay away!

  21. That video is priceless! See, you did the right thing!

  22. Vanessa says:

    I would never confront a goose. Geese are mean and can do some real damage. Growing up, we had neighbors who kept geese and always bragged about how much better than a dog they were at protecting the property.

  23. zoe says:

    okay, funny post but as someone who raised birds….geese and other birds are territorial. somehow this goose is claiming your territory for her/his own. Notice the goose in the vid didnt go beyond the end of the open sidewalk area? Not part of its territory. BUt yeah, we can all be assholes…avian or not!

  24. Who’d have guessed it…. a maverick goose!

  25. This is a great story! I love picturing the confrontation of a goose! My college campus had many geese and there was one super mean one who was protecting the nest of another. You could always tell who was new on campus because they walked along the path near the Guard Goose. This goose would actually chase people away. The less new people knew to walk on the grass on the other side and not upset the bird. It was safer that way!

  26. Ha! These guys are terrible. I was at a farm/petting zoo recently and one tried to take off my child’s face.

  27. kianwi says:

    This reminded me of something I had forgotten all about! When I was away at college, there were these bully geese that rarely backed down. I sometimes could not cross this one bridge, but had to go the long way around because of them. I have to say, it never once occures to me to fight them! Ha ha, funny 🙂

  28. That video is so funny! I’m cracking up! I don’t know what’s funnier the video or the creators int eh background who are so pleased with their own handy work they can’t stand it. Who knew there would be a video to so perfectly go with your post?!

  29. WordsFallFromMyEyes says:

    That video is hilarious!! Loved the animation additions to it 🙂

    My gosh, crazy – having to carry a light saber on your way to work!!

  30. Pingback: Guest Post: The Cutter on Happy Blogging | rarasaur

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