A flock of geese lives near my office building.
I know this because I have seen them flying nearby and heard their loud, honking cries. Also, the parking lot is sometimes a minefield of goose feces.
Aside from the occasional need to watch my step, the geese haven’t really impacted my life. At least, they hadn’t until today.
Wanting to take advantage of the pleasant weather this morning, I decided to take a walk outside. I was only about ten feet away from the building when I saw this in my path.
I assumed that this wasn’t going to be a major impediment to my walk. I figured that the goose would soon continue on to wherever it was that geese went, and it would soon be out of my way.
Apparently, this particular goose didn’t have a very busy morning planned. It seemed perfectly content to stay where it was.
Since most animals tend to retreat when they see a human walking towards them, I figured that if I just kept walking, the goose would warily head in the opposite direction.
I was wrong. Instead of running away, the goose began to walk towards me and make a threatening hissing sound.
I hadn’t realized that geese were capable of hissing. I would have taken video, but I was starting to become concerned that the goose was going to attack. Not wanting to turn my back nor make a full retreat, I began to slowly creep backwards towards the building.
And then I stopped. I realized that for the sake of my species, I had to take a stand. I’m a human being! The top of the food chain! That goose should be cowering in fear of my awesome glory!
I halted my retreat, leaned forward, and extended my arms in a “Come at me, bro!” gesture.
The goose was unimpressed.
Realizing that I was about to physically confront a wild animal, I stepped off the path, and circled around the goose. It kept hissing at me as if to call me a coward, but ultimately, I think I made the right move.
Could any good really come from fighting a goose? What’s the best case scenario in this situation? I kill the goose and serve him for dinner? That seems like an awfully messy process. Plus, I’d always be worried that the other geese were going to come after me seeking revenge.
Sadly, I’ll just have to go through life not knowing what it feels like to punch a goose in the face.
UPDATE: Thanks to Sweaty for sharing this video. Next time I encounter a goose, I’ll be sure to use my lightsaber:
Note: I decided to submit this post to Yeah Write as part of their anniversary celebration. Click on the link to read some other good entries!