An Interview with Spider-Man

Today’s Daily Prompt was to interview a fictional character.

That sounded easy. After all, the world of fiction is filled with countless interesting characters who would undoubtedly be captivating interview subjects. The difficult part was deciding which character I should talk to.

Searching for inspiration, I took a glance at my lunch box…

This is my lunchbox.  Yes, you should be jealous.

This is my lunchbox. Yes, you should be jealous.

And so joining me today will be everyone’s favorite superhero: The Amazing Spider-Man!

Cutter: Thanks for talking with me, Spidey.

Spidey: No problem. It’s been a slow day in the crime world.

Cutter: No supervillains out on the rampage?

Spidey: None that I can see. Besides, I’m sure the Avengers can handle them if they do show up.

Cutter: Am I detecting some bitterness about the Avengers? Are you upset that you weren’t in that movie?

Spidey: Bitterness? No. Obviously it was a big hit, and it’s hard to deny the appeal of being involved in something that huge. But really, Spider-Man has never been a part of the classic Avengers lineup, so it really wouldn’t have been right for me to have been in the movie.

Cutter: So you’re saying that if Marvel had found a way to regain your movie rights, you would have turned down a role in the Avengers?

Spidey: It’s hard to say. I’d have to think about whether or not the Avengers was really the best place to show off my talents. As the biggest star, they would have had to focus a lot of the movie’s attention on me, and that just wouldn’t be fair to the others. I think in the end it was best that I was in my own solo movie.

Cutter: And yet that movie, was…how can I put this delicately…not that good.

Spidey: You didn’t like it?

Cutter: It wasn’t bad, but it just felt so…unnecessary. Did we really need another origin story? I think America pretty much knows how you got your powers by now. Were the producers worried that people would get upset if they didn’t see Andrew Garfield get bitten by a spider?

I think they could have shown a five minute flashback scene of that, and just gotten on with the real story.

Spidey: I agree with you there. As fun as it may seem, I’m not all that keen on constantly re-living my uncle getting shot.

Cutter: Honestly, that whole scene seemed like an item on the checklist that they felt needed to be checked off.

Spidey: And they didn’t even let me catch the guy who shot him! How lame was that?

Cutter: In the next movie, I see you’ll be fighting Electro. How do you feel about that?

Spidey: I’m not too concerned.

Cutter: Really? Isn’t he kind of powerful?

Spidey: I’ve been kicking that guy’s ass for so many years now, I can’t even take him seriously anymore. Then again, it’s pretty hard to take someone seriously at all when he dresses the way he does.

Electro's costume is not especially subtle (Photo source: Wikipedia)

Electro’s costume is not especially subtle (Photo source: Wikipedia)

Cutter: Even though Electro was white in the comics, he’ll be played by Jamie Foxx. You think the fanboys will have a fit about that?

Spidey: No, I’m sure that the comic book fans will react calmly and rationally, just like they do whenever a movie changes something from the comics.

Of course they’re going to freak out! The message boards are gonna be all like, “They ruined Electro!”

Ruined Electro? What the heck has Electro ever done that he could ever be ruined. Jamie Foxx is the greatest thing that could have ever happened to Electro. If anything, Foxx should be embarrassed that he’s playing Electro. Once again, take a look at how the guy dresses.

electro1

Fans have to realize that the only reason these characters are white is because I don’t think Stan Lee ever met a minority in his life.

Cutter: We’re almost out of time, and I’m sure you’ve got to get back to stopping crime.

Spidey: Sure. Chances are there’s a robbery going on somewhere that the police will be unable to stop. You’d be surprised how many armed robberies there are in New York. It seems like there’s at least one a week. I guess they don’t realize that just about every other person in New York has super powers.

Cutter: Thank you for your time.

Spidey: No problem, it’s been fun!

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About The Cutter

I am the Cutter. I write some stuff. You might like it, you might not. Please decide for yourself.
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15 Responses to An Interview with Spider-Man

  1. UndercoverL says:

    But I have to know: what about Kletus Kassidy??!! We want Carnage! We want Carnage!! (Someone chant with me… my voice is echoing and it scares me.)

    • The Cutter says:

      They killed off Carnage. Apparently someone realized that the character shouldn’t exist outside of the 90s and then had him offed. Not that comic book characters haven’t ever returned from the dead before.

    • UndercoverL says:

      That is stupid. Carnage was so believable. How can they kill him off and keep Venom, given that they were born (borne?) of the same symbiote? Just. Plain. Stupid. Besides: there is a lot that should have been killed off in previous decades that wasn’t. Case in point? Neon. Mullets. Rocky. Sylvester Stallone and Jean-Claude Van Damme as actors…

    • The Cutter says:

      Don’t worry. After doing some research, Carnage has indeed been resurrected: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carnage_(comics)

  2. The best spidey ever was the Electric Company Spidey. .

  3. Poor Electro, he looks like one of Dr. Wily’s rejects….

  4. djmatticus says:

    Ah! Now I wished I’d thought to interview a comic book character. I probably would have picked the Punisher and asked him how he feels about all the really bad movies that have been made about him recently. His story seems like it would translate well to the screen but then something happens and it all just goes to pot.
    Hmm, I believe he’s had a run in with Spidey from time to time… maybe they could introduce him through a Spider-Man movie and then do a spin off that way.

    • The Cutter says:

      It is shocking that they haven’t been able to make a good Punisher movie. It’s like they can’t fully commit to the violence needed since its a comic book movie and they don’t want an R rating.

    • djmatticus says:

      There is an interesting thought… I hadn’t considered that. In my mind, it would have to be an R rated movie… I’m surprised none of them have been… and now I’m eating my words (just looked it up on imdb to be sure), the 1989 version (starring Dolph Lundgren) was rated R… and now that I’m thinking about it that one was better than any of the more recent ones…

    • The Cutter says:

      I don’t know. That one was pretty bad. He didn’t even wear the skull shirt!

    • djmatticus says:

      Didn’t he? It’s been so long since I’ve watched it… No doubt, it wasn’t a great movie, but it was made in 1989… and I still think it proves the point that they could definitely do better than they have done recently.

  5. twindaddy says:

    What an unfortunate outfit. Poor Electro.

  6. shazza91321 says:

    That was some funny stuff, I didn’t know that Spider man cursed, I like him even more now. Wow, I enjoyed that so much!!!!! Thank you for really showing me how it’s done.

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