The time has come. Once again, two songs will be pitted against each other so that we can determine which one is more epic. (Or at least more epic in a very specific way)
That’s right, it’s time for another SONG BATTLE!
(The title sounds a lot better if you picture the Mortal Kombat announcer saying it)
A couple of weeks ago, I was napping on the couch when a familiar movie came on the TV: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!
Back in 1990, Ninja Turtle hype had overtaken America. The cartoon was a hit, toys and merchandise were everywhere, and a live action movie starring the adolescent superheroes was created.
Accompanying the dizzying marketing hype for the movie was a rap video by the group Partners in Kryme:
Anyone who has ever participated in one of my “drink bitch” power hours will recognize the song.
For the sequel, the producers included another Ninja Turtle themed rap. The performer this time around? None other than the legendary Vanilla Ice!
These two songs will compete for the illustrious title of…
Best Rap Song From a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Movie
This song was the apex of Partners in Kryme’s career. By apex, I mean this song pretty much WAS their career. Most one-hit wonders can parlay that success into decent album sales. PIK only recorded one other song in their career, and never even released a full album.
Vanilla Ice? We may mock him now, but he was a HUGE star back in the day.
This one isn’t much of a contest.
Edge: Vanilla Ice
Cheesiness of Lyrics
When your subject matter is Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, you’re going to end up with some laughable lyrics.
Ninja Rap’s lyrics are mostly innocuous. It’s mostly the standard Vanilla Ice song with a few throwaway lines about ninjas and turtles thrown in.
Turtle Power is basically a song describing the plot of the movie. PIK manages to throw in some classic lines like: “Pizza’s the food that’s sure to please. These ninjas are into pepperoni and cheese.”
Display of early 90’s fashion
PIK is definitely repping the early 90’s hard here.
Unfortunately, they’re going against the man who pretty much defined early 90’s fashion. Or at least he did for that year or so when he was relevant.
Edge: Vanilla Ice
While I’m sure you could bust out some awesome early 90’s dance moves to PIK, the whole point of Ice’s song is to get some booties shaking on the dance floor.
Edge: Vanilla Ice
To record a song that is about the Ninja Turtles requires a good deal of shamelessness. I can’t imagine these guys didn’t fully recognize the amount of selling out they were doing.
You’d think that nobody could possibly top Vanilla Ice in terms of shamelessness. This is the guy who appeared on Saturday Night Live with a “Word to Your Mother” jacket.
And yet, there’s this…
Quality of Movie
The first Ninja Turtles movie disappointed me a bit since it was based on the comic book rather than the cartoon. But at least it was a decent movie.
The sequel was an atrocity. I talked about how disappointed I felt after seeing Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, but what I felt after seeing this movie was anger. I was a huge Ninja Turtle fan and I couldn’t believe they would do that to us.
In hindsight, the whole movie might have just been an excuse to have Vanilla Ice record a song about the Ninja Turtles. I suppose that in 1991 it wasn’t that bad of an idea.
The fact that Turtle Power promoted the superior movie has to be taken into account.
I’ve (somewhat convolutedly) managed to end up with a tie.
So which song is the winner?
Well, I owned the cassette single of only one of these songs. I only include one of these songs in my power hour mixes.
It seems hard to believe that I’m actually going against Vanilla Ice, and yet, the winner of this Song Battle is…
Partners in Kryme!
Congrats to Partners in Kryme! I’m sure this honor is much more rewarding than having an actual career.
What do you think? Is Turtle Power the definitive Ninja Turtle themed song? Or did Vanilla Ice get screwed? Vote and decide!