The Fear Boger decided that instead of spending the Christmas season lamenting the fact that he was unwanted, he would try to discover the true meaning of Christmas. He was struck by inspiration when he saw that it was the birthday of pro football Hall of Famer Otto Graham.
FB: Thanks for meeting with me, baseball home run king Barry Bonds!
BB: No problem. I’ll do anything as long as I get paid at least $5,000!
FB: Yeah, just wait a few days for that check to clear, okay? Anyway, I wanted to talk to you, because I’m trying to figure out how to have a Merry Christmas. The problem is, everyone hates me. So I wanted to talk to someone who was probably hated by even more people than I am.
BB: People hate because they wish they were Barry Bonds. But nobody else is Barry Bonds. Nobody else could be Barry Bonds.
FB: …Right. And even though they all hate on you, and I’m probably more likely to get into the Hall of Fame than you are, you’re still able to have a Merry Christmas?
BB: I sure do. I mean, I’ve got millions in the bank, and all those steroi- I mean, all those perfectly legal vitamins I used to take serve as an excellent form of birth control. I can pretty much hump around all I want.
FB: Aren’t you worried about VD?
BB: VD? That’s for scrubs. You don’t hit 768 home runs by being worried about some stupid infectious diseases!
FB: But doesn’t it ever get you down? All the hating?
BB: Why would it? I’m Barry Bonds! And that makes me better than everyone else.
FB: You know what? You’ve given me a great idea. Thanks a lot!
BB: No problem. I’m going to go cash this check now.
FB: Sure, go ahead and try that.
What’s next for the Fear Boger in his quest to discover the true meaning of Christmas? Stay tuned for the next thrilling episode of The Fear Boger Discovers the Meaning of Christmas!