By now, I assume most of you have watched the “Too Many Cooks” video that has spread across the internet like a wildfire.
If you’ve somehow missed it, I’ve helpfully embedded the video for your viewing pleasure.
Obviously there’s a whole lot of stuff going on there. If you need to go back and watch it again, I understand.
BuzzFeed has taken the trouble to rank every character shown in the video. I admire their dedication, but I don’t necessarily agree with their rankings.
I don’t have the time nor desire to rank every character shown, but I will give you my opinion of the top five and bottom five.
These five characters are clearly the bottom of the “Cooks” barrel, and are holding the show back from greatness. They are presented in order of decreasing quality.
5. Lars Von Trier as “Pie” – A talking pie? (I’m just assuming that the pie talks. Isn’t that what you all assumed too?) Hmmm..where have I heard that before?
Oh yeah, TOTAL rip off of the Simpsons! (Warning: I’m going to make more than a couple of Simpsons references throughout this post) I’d say Homer Simpson was due some royalties for this.
4. Zack Shires – You know what bothers me about television bullies? Their interactions with the other characters are often inconsistent. Just look at Bart Simpson and Nelson Muntz. In some episodes, Nelson is the bane of Bart’s existence. In other episodes, they seem to be almost friends. (I told you there would be more Simpsons references!)
Or maybe…maybe, that’s how life really is. Maybe we don’t always fall into cut and dried categories like “cool kid” or “bully.” Maybe the person who is your best friend one day could be your worst enemy the next?
Regardless, I’m sure the characterization of Zack Shires is going to be all over the place. Not every bad character has to have a softer side or sympathetic angle to him. Sometimes people are just jerks. Let Zack be a jerk!
3. Smarf – Smarf seems to be getting a lot of love on the internet. Am I the only one getting a major Jar Jar Binks vibe from him?
Maybe the magic (robot?) cat would be fun at first, but I envision the writers going into Steve Urkel-levels of overkill with him. I think when all is said and done, we’ll all be more than sick of Smarf.
On a related note, I give Seth MacFarlane a lot of credit for being judicious in his use of Stewie in the early seasons of Family Guy. He knew the baby was the breakout character and still managed not to overuse him early on.
2. Dylan Schoenthal and Logan Schoenthal (tie) – I get the impression that the twins are an example of “Rudy Huxtable syndrome:” After several years on the air, the show’s “cute” child character grows up and begins to enter an awkward adolescent phase. At that point, the writers feel compelled to bring in a new “cute” character to fill the void.
Based on their ages and the fact that there appear to be at least three younger – and cuter – characters on the show, I suspect that the twins once supplied the show’s cuteness factor, but have since been supplanted.
If anyone recalls the episode of The Cosby Show when Rudy got her period, you’ll know that some uncomfortable times may be ahead for these two.
1. Gywdion Lashlee-Walton – Look at you, Gywdion. You think you’re so cool with your unique name, your popular haircut (At least I’m assuming that’s a popular hair style. I’m 37 years old, so I don’t exactly have my finger on the pulse of the youth of America.) and your stylish vest.
It’s obvious based on your oh-so-casual pointing that you think you’re the hottest thing to ever grace a sitcom.
But you know what you are, and I know what you are. You’re Roy.
Now go away.
And here are the five best characters that the show has to offer.
5. Michael Jenkins – With all the attention that this video has received, I feel that Michael Jenkins and his Cosby sweater have been horribly overlooked.
By the way, I think they really dropped the ball by not having a character with a high top fade hairstyle.
I have an irrational fondness for the high top fade. I mean, the Philadelphia 76ers are going to be awful this season, and I’ll still watch some games simply because of Nerlens Noel’s hair:
4. VC Fuqua – A lot of the characters smile at the camera as if they’re happy to be there. But just look at Fuqua’s face. This man is REALLY excited to be there.
3. Kayte Giralt – I included Kayte here not because she’s a hot girl, but because I think she’ll be an interesting case study years from now.
If you want to truly measure a generation’s worth, you could do a lot worse than analyzing the “hot” girls from the popular television shows.
I mean, many of my peers considered Kelly Kapowski to be the hottest thing around back in the 90’s. But looking back at her pictures, all I can see is high-waisted jeans and crimped hair.
I wonder what future generations will think of Kayte?
Note: I docked her a few points for the obnoxious spelling of her first name, but considering she can turn into a superhero, I didn’t hold it against her too much.
2. Ken DeLozier – In an ensemble cast such as this one, we sometimes underestimate just how much the “lead” character contributes. For instance, I don’t think Steve Carell’s work on The Office was truly appreciated until he left and the show collapsed.
Without a solid foundation, a show with this many moving parts simply wouldn’t work. As the patriarch of the Cook family, DeLozier ably provides that foundation.
1. Shawn Coleman – Are you surprised? Of course I was going to rank the G.I.Joe style character as #1.
I mean, just look at that punch. He’s bringing a lot of power there, making me believe that Shawn Coleman is not the type of guy you want to mess with. He easily deserves the top spot.