Shoe Box

One week of the 31 Days of Blogging is in the books!

Readers from years past will know how I traditionally celebrate that milestone: By watching and analyzingvideo by the rock group Barenaked Ladies!

As I’ve stated in the past, I’m not really a BNL fan, and I don’t have much familiarity with their material. If you are a fan of the group, please try not to be offended by anything I write.

For this year’s video, I’ve gone with Shoe Box:

Let’s break down the video!

0:05 – The video starts out innocently enough with a girl lying on her bed when her mother comes in to wish her good night.

I’m slightly confused. This girl looks to be older than a teenager, yet as we’ll see later in the video, it’s implied that she’s underage.

Have I just lost all perspective of what teenagers actually look like?

She's only 17?

She’s only 17?

0:13 – She had placed a shoe box underneath her bed, and we find out that the Barenaked Ladies are inside the shoe box.

This leads to all sorts of questions: Have BNL been miniaturized? Is the girl a giant? Are the BNL trapped in the shoe box against their will?

Somebody help us!

Somebody help us!

0:22 – The girl starts jumping on her bed and takes off her robe to reveal…an outfit that honestly isn’t all that skimpy. This video was made in 1995, so I suppose that it might have been considered somewhat risque back then. But today? It seems almost demure.

Yeah, this really isn't too scandalous of an outfit.

Yeah, this really isn’t too scandalous of an outfit.

0:26 – The girl opens the shoe box. Is she going to demand that her mini-BNL slaves perform for her?

0:28 – Nope, she’s more concerned with a letter that’s inside. She takes it out and shoves the box back under the bed.

0:59 – The girl is doing the old “hide stuffed animals under the covers so it looks like I’m still in bed” trick. This was a very popular move for teenage girls in 1980’s movies and sitcoms. Unfortunately, the maneuver had a success rate of about 0%.

This was a foolproof way to fool your parents in the 80's.

This was a foolproof way to fool your parents in the 80’s.

1:11 – We now see the girl climb out of a limo…at a Barenaked Ladies concert.

This doesn’t make any sense. How can BNL be performing in concert if they’re trapped in a shoe box under her bed? WHAT IS GOING ON HERE???

And wait a second, isn't she actually walking AWAY from the concert hall?

And wait a second, isn’t she actually walking AWAY from the concert hall?

1:21 – She’s now walking the red carpet with a guy who seems to be something of a celebrity. Wikipedia reveals that the actor is Chris Hardwick of MTV’s Singled Out fame. (You all remember Chris Hardwick, right?)

So an underage girl who had to sneak out of her parents’ house is now walking the red carpet with a celebrity. Nobody found this to be a bit odd?

"So Chris...how old is she, exactly?"

“So Chris…how old is she, exactly?”

1:25 – Uh oh! Back at home, Mom discovers the ruse, and doesn’t appear happy about it.

The plan might have had a better chance of success if the girl had turned out her light before leaving. With the light still on, it’s only natural that her mother would assume that she’s still awake.

Wait a second - That's not my daughter!

Wait a second – That’s not my daughter!

1:31 – Mom takes a look in the shoe box. You’d think she’d be shocked to find a miniature rock band contained within, but she doesn’t seem to even notice. (Then again, considering her daughter is currently walking the red carpet at a rock concert, it seems that quite a bit escapes her notice.)

Instead, she’s more concerned about a letter she finds inside. Apparently her little girl has been making time with a big shot celebrity.

BNL8

Pay no attention to those miniature people in there.

 

1:46 – Hardwick and Jailbait head back to his place where she proceeds to molest him.

She’s really tossing him around, and for some reason, he seems a bit intimidated. Actually, he seems way too intimidated considering he was shown holding a glass of wine earlier.

You’d think a guy who was about to give a glass of wine to an underage girl would have more of a “down for whatever” attitude.

Daddy issues?

Daddy issues?

2:21 – Uh oh. Looks like the mother has called the cops on Hardwick. And with him being a celebrity, a news crew is on the scene to cover the situation.

Seems like it would make a pretty good episode of Cops.

Seems like it would make a pretty good episode of Cops.

2:52 – The cops burst in on the couple, which results in Hardwick being handcuffed and taken out of the building in front of the press.

I suppose it could have been worse for Hardwick. She could have been a transsexual.

I suppose it could have been worse for Hardwick. She could have been a transsexual.

2:57 – No, wait. It was just a dream.

BNL12

So does that mean that Chris Hardwick isn’t actually a statutory rapist? At least that would have explained what happened to his career.

Then again, did he ever really have a career? His biggest accomplishment was hosting a game show on MTV where he was overshadowed by Jenny McCarthy.

It’s a bit frigthening that this girl has dreams about being statutory raped, and it only becomes a nightmare when the guy gets arrested.

So this was fun and all, but I have one big question after watching it: Since it was all a dream, does that mean that the Barenaked Ladies aren’t actually living in a shoe box under this girl’s bed?

Honestly, exploring how the band came to be miniaturized and placed in a shoe box in a teenager’s room would have been a much more interesting video than watching a teenage girl try to bone a minor celebrity. But I guess we’ll never know.

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About The Cutter

I am the Cutter. I write some stuff. You might like it, you might not. Please decide for yourself.
This entry was posted in 31 Days of Blogging, Pop Culture and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Shoe Box

  1. NotAPunkRocker says:

    Now of Nerdist fame, Chris Hardwick?

    Two BNL posts on a Monday. How lucky am I to read these?

  2. If she’s a teenager….I am officially 400 years old.

  3. Any girl can be “underage” if they just put their hair in pigtails. Just ask the porn industry….

    I have four younger sisters, and I don’t know if they ever wore pigtails… not even in 1995….

  4. Pingback: Barenaked Ladies – Say What You Want | The Cutter Rambles

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