With no further adieu, I’ll introduce everyone’s favorite pop singer: Michael Bublé!
Cutter: For no man does time wait, right? What’s new with you this year?
MB: Oh, same old. Just busy counting my money from another successful Christmas TV special.
Cutter: It went well?
MB: You didn’t watch it?
Cutter: I was actually thinking about tuning in, but then, you know, twins.
MB: Oh come on. You couldn’t find a way to make time for THE Christmas event of the year?
Cutter: Well, I watched Peter Pan Live. Besides, have a couple more kids, and we’ll see how much free time you have.
MB: That’s funny! I’m rich, remember? I don’t need to actually take care of my kids.
Cutter: Yeah. That must be nice. Speaking of kids, I saw that video you did with Idina Menzel.
MB: Pretty cute, huh?
Cutter: I suppose, but I just have one question: If you wanted to make a music video featuring children, why you’d choose the rapiest Christmas song there is?
MB: You’ll notice we changed some of the lyrics.
Cutter: It’s still a little creepy.
MB: Well maybe you should take it up with my special guest.
Cutter: Special guest?
MB: That’s right. I brought along a special guest this year.
Cutter: Wait, what? I didn’t approve any –
MB: Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce Idina Menzel!
Idina Menzel: Her royal highness, Queen Elsa of Arrandale hath arrived!
Cutter: Wow! This is quite a surprise. It’s an honor to have you here. My daughter is a huge fan of yours.
IM: Of course she is. All girls are fans of Queen Elsa for I am talented and gracious. And to show how much I love my subjects, I shall perform a song for you!
MB: Hey now, Idina. I told you –
MB: Ugh, I am SO sick of hearing that song.
Cutter: You don’t have to tell me. I’ve got a four year old daughter.
MB: And Idina, we had agreed-
IM: Call me Elsa.
MB: Sigh…are we really doing this?
IM: I thought I made that clear. I shall only be addressed as Elsa, or “your highness.”
Cutter: Is she serious?
MB: I’m afraid so.
IM: Silence! Or else I shall freeze you with my ice powers!
Cutter: Ooookay. Fame gone to her head a little?
MB: Like you wouldn’t believe. My manager said it would be good for my image if we went on a publicity tour together. Little did I know that she was “at-bay it-shay azy-cray.”
Cutter: You guys aren’t doing it, are you?
MB: Um, no. Apparently she takes the whole “ice queen” thing REALLY seriously, if you know what I mean.
Cutter: Hey! Speaking of that, I did another one of those “Would you?” posts. You guys want to give your take?
MB: Sure. We can do anything as long as it doesn’t involve me listening to “Let it Go” again.
IM: Queen Elsa approves of this exercise.
Cutter: Nicki Minaj
MB: (Sigh) Did her.
IM: I as well.
Cutter: Wait, what? You – never mind, I’m not going to ask. Let’s move on. Iggy Azalea.
IM: Queen Elsa knows not of who you speak.
Cutter: Here’s a picture.
MB: Oh! Yeah, I know her! She was on my Christmas special!
Cutter: No…that was Miss Piggy. Iggy Azalea sings “Fancy.”
MB: I have no idea what you’re talking about. But no.
IM: Queen Elsa also says no.
Cutter: Kristen Schaal.
MB: Once again, I’ve never heard of her.
IM: Nor have I.
Cutter: Here’s a picture.
MB: Oh! Heck no! Who the hell is she?
Cutter: She’s a comedienne. Very funny.
MB: She’d better be. No!
IM: I’d do her.
IM: Queen Elsa likes to slum sometimes.
Cutter: Zooey Deschanel
MB: Yes, although from what I’ve heard, she’s just as nuts as Elsa over here.
IM: Elsa is not nuts! But I would do Zooey. I find her to be quite comely.
Cutter: Kim Kardashian.
MB: No. I’ve talked to Kanye, and he’s told me things I can’t unhear.
IM: NO! Do you know how annoying it is that she’s more famous than me? She can burn in hell.
Cutter: So it bothers you that millions of girls love your song but wouldn’t be able to pick you out of a lineup?
IM: But soon they shall! Soon all the people in the world shall love and admire the almighty Queen Elsa! Or else I will cast eternal winter over all the land! And then, they will have no choice but to bow at my feet.
Cutter: This doesn’t have anything to do with the whole John Travolta thing, does it?
IM: You mean the way he botched my name in front of millions of viewers.
Cutter: Yeah. It seems like you might be a little bitter about-
IM: I WILL DESTROY JOHN TRAVOLTA! FIRST I SHALL FREEZE HIS FAT BODY AND THEN I SHALL DESTROY HIS VERY SOUL!!!
MB: Told ya she was nuts.
Cutter: On that note, I think it’s time we go. Special thanks to Michael Bublé and Idina Me-
IM: QUEEN ELSA!!!
Cutter: …and Queen Elsa for joining me. See you next year, Michael?
MB: Probably. And I certainly hope I’m alone.
Cutter: I think we all hope that. Merry Christmas, everybody!