Thanks to the recent discovery of a super-secret formula for ranking songs, I’ve been able to compile a definitive list of the ten greatest songs of all time.
Because I’m such a nice person, I’ve decided to share the list with you all. And because I’m kind of weird, I’m sharing them in non-sequential order.
The songs so far:
#7: Cry Me a River – Justin Timberlake
Why the ranking is justified
If you think about it, most men should not like Justin Timberlake. He started out as that annoying curly-haired guy in N’Sync who had an insanely punchable face. And then he dated Britney Spears, forming one of the most annoying celebrity couples of all time.
And yet, Timberlake has managed to win men over. He’s proven to be charming and funny during his appearances on Saturday Night Live, and his music is catchy enough that guys don’t have to be embarrassed to admit they like it.
But the turnaround really started when Britney dumped him. He could have whined about it. Instead, he delivered us Cry Me a River.
Just about every guy has been screwed over by a woman at some point or another. Many men have fantasized about getting revenge on that woman.
Timberlake didn’t just fantasize about it. He recorded a song that basically gave a giant middle finger to his ex.
Personal reflection on the song
Fortunately, (as far as I know), I’ve never had a girl cheat on me. So I can’t really relate too much to the song.
If I was choosing this list (Remember, this list isn’t based on my personal opinion. It’s based on the secret formula), I would have gone with a different revenge song: Hit ‘Em Up by 2Pac.
Now that one had some vicious lyrics, and didn’t exactly rely on subtlety. It also might have gotten both 2Pac and Notorious BIG killed.
On the other hand, I can do a surprisingly decent karaoke rendition of Cry Me a River. So there’s that.
What do you think? Does “Cry Me a River” deserve its lofty ranking? Or did my formula (and keep in mind, it’s infallable!) miss the mark on this one?