Sympathy for Ariana Grande

Celebrities – They’re just like us!

The latest example of this is Ariana Grande. The actress/pop star has found herself in the news lately for a bizarre incident where she was caught on camera licking donuts and saying “I hate America.”

Before last year, I had no idea who Ariana Grande even was. Thanks to Wikipedia, I know that she used to star on a Disney TV show, and now she makes songs that I generally do not listen to. Honestly, the first time I saw her, I thought that she was one of the Fembots from the Austin Powers movies.

Ms. Grande has received a good deal of criticism for this incident. She forgot that among the many rules for living in America, two of the most important are:

1. Never say you hate America.

2. Don’t lick donuts that aren’t yours.

I gotta tell you, I’m really confused by the whole donut licking thing. Who does that?  Actually, I know who does stuff like that: My daughter. That’s at least slightly understandable since she’s only five years old, and despite her appearance sometimes, Ms. Grande is considerably older.

But really, who am I to judge? I’ve done plenty of bizarre stuff in my time too. I can recall one night a couple of years ago when I was walking home. For some reason (Okay, I was drunk), I decided that I was going to pretend to shoot energy beams from my hands (Just like the Transformers!), destroying all the buildings in my neighborhood. I was having a grand old time until I discovered someone sitting on his balcony watching me with bizarre amusement.

In other words, we all do some really strange stuff when we think nobody is watching. That incident happened was when I was in my thirties. I don’t really care to chronicle all of the bizarre things I did in my twenties.

As for her saying she hates America, she’s explained that it was taken out of context. I actually believe her, because who among us hasn’t said something similar?

For example, I think many people have expressed a sentiment similar to this in recent days: “It’s 2015, and we’re still having a debate over whether the Confederate flag should be displayed. America really sucks sometimes.”

For some reason, people will vote for this man. (Image source)

For some reason, people will vote for this man. (Image source)

Hell, every time Ted Cruz opens his mouth and I’m forced to recognize that he’s actually considered a legitimate candidate for president, my opinion of the country drops a little bit.

So let’s all cut the poor girl some slack! She doesn’t really hate America, she just hates that Americans like donuts and that it’s made us all fat.

On that note, today is Krispy Kreme’s 78th birthday, and in honor of the occasion, if you buy a dozen donuts, you get a second dozen for only 78 cents! Better get them soon, because you apparently never know when a celebrity might try to lick them!


About The Cutter

I am the Cutter. I write some stuff. You might like it, you might not. Please decide for yourself.
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12 Responses to Sympathy for Ariana Grande

  1. Krispy Kremes are safe from celebrity lickers because they are kept in a glass case.Otherwise, knowing what I know now, I would never eat a frosted doughnut again!

  2. It seemed like a passive aggressive “fuck you.” But that is just what I am getting from wgat you wrote, because I have no idea who this chick is either. lol
    As to weird things people do, a friend of mine knows a girl who likes to, under cover of night, take shits in people’s yards. o.O

  3. They play a lot of Ariana Grande songs on the Mecca CD at work. Insert subliminal message donut licking conspiracy theory here…

  4. List of X says:

    Actually, you probably should hate Canada for Ted Cruz, because that’s where he was born.

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