The Cutter: Wasp Hunter

Blessed with a rare dollop of free time on Saturday afternoon, I took the opportunity to perform some badly needed yard work. One prominent item on the to-do list was trimming some tree branches that had grown too close to the house.

Since we don’t have a ladder tall enough to reach the higher branches, I had to get at them from a second-story window. I opened a window in the Cutlet’s bedroom and went to work. The trimming went without incident, but before I could finish up, I was met with an unpleasant complication: Two wasps flew in through the open window.

We’ve had a problem with wasps in the house this year. We’re not sure where they’ve been coming from, but they’re not exactly welcome visitors.

I think this image pretty much sums it up:

One of the wasps immediately flew back outside, but the other one seemed inclined to stick around for a while. Upon closer inspection, the wasp was actually clutching another insect as it flew around.

Oh, so this wasp thought he was going to just fly into my daughter’s bedroom and eat his dinner? Nope. Not going to happen.

The biggest problem with wasps is that they come equipped with a formidable defense system, and if you try to get them to go where they don’t want to go, they’re not shy about using it.

If I was going to properly battle this insect, I’d have to take precautions to ensure that he couldn’t use that weapon against me. And so I donned my special wasp fighting suit:


I felt confident that unless the wasp went after the tip of my nose, he wasn’t going to be able to hurt me.

My goal wasn’t to kill the wasp. Preferably, he would leave the house and we could both go on our merry way. But sometimes, that’s not the way these types of things play out.

I was able to trap him against the window with a small plastic container. I tried to slide the container down the window in hopes that he would then choose to fly outside. But as I started to lift the container over the edge of the window, his head popped out, and my first instinct was to push down.

Do you want to know the difference between that wasp and myself? My head is still attached to my body. Wasps may be tough as far as insects go, but apparently their necks are not stronger than plastic.

I threw the wasp’s still twitching body out the window, and I hoped that he would serve as a warning to any other wasps that might want to venture into our house: If you enter, you risk decapitation at the hands of the Cutter!

Have any of you ever dealt with wasps? Was my outfit a bit too much?


About The Cutter

I am the Cutter. I write some stuff. You might like it, you might not. Please decide for yourself.
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29 Responses to The Cutter: Wasp Hunter

  1. Nope – your outfit is perfect. I am deathly allergic so I sympathize. And even being allergic, I still would have tried to capture it alive – but did the same as you as soon as it’s little head popped out. I’m glad no one got stung.

  2. NotAPunkRocker says:

    The Santa hat shows you mean business.

    We think M is allergic to wasps, not bees, but no way to tell unless he gets stung again. um, yeah, no thanks.

  3. Sofia Leo says:

    I woulda killed that fucker dead, no question. Wasps serve no purpose other than to make people miserable. The hair is standing up on the back of my neck just reading this post. Guess I still haven’t recovered from being stung as a child. Now I’m afraid I’ll call down the Wrath of the Wasps just for voicing my hatred of them…What is that buzzing sound?

  4. spykeyone says:

    Yup. The outfit was definitely too much. In the UK everyone (including the wasps) laughs at you if you wear more than your underwear to deal with them.

  5. bluestempond says:

    I love that poster! As a beekeeper, always trying to defend my honey bees from people’s prejudice, this kind of sums it up.

  6. One can never bee too careful while dealing with stinging insects. (Did you see what I did there?) Your wasp fighting attire reminds me of a horror movie I watched when I was a kid called Of Unknown Origin. (It had Peter Weller in it, and he makes himself a crazy suit of armor to fight a giant mutated rat that is living in his house.)

  7. I love animals, but I don’t consider bugs to be animals… just pests. I keep a can of wasp and hornet spray handy since wasps enjoy building nests in the most inconvenient of places, like inside my front door and along the top of my garage door. I would bet you have one in a window or doorway or somewhere where they have access to the inside of your house if you’re seeing a lot of them. If you get a dollop of free time sometime before summer’s over, check for them. Get yourself a black can of spray specifically for wasps and spray the everloving shit out of them and their nests.

    • The Cutter says:

      We think it might be behind a shutter, which is unfortunately inconveniently behind some bushes. It’s like they’re trying to be annoying.

  8. laughed out loud at your wasp fighting outfit. That said, I am terrified of wasps and will scream like a bitch if one flies at me. I have found one or two good wasp memes like the one in your post.

  9. List of X says:

    I recently played soccer where either a wasp or a hornets’ nest was on one of the goals. This added a whole new dimension to the game, because the hornets/wasps got excited (read “aggressive”) whenever anyone was within 5-10 feet of the goal, and they totally did not appreciate my efforts in trying to defend the goal where they made their nest.

    • The Cutter says:

      That just adds some adventure to the game. If you allowed a goal, it might rile up the wasps. So stop the ball or get stung.

      Honestly, the USMNT should try this.

  10. Eleanor Croy says:

    One of the Geeklets got stung by a wasp…twice. Thank goodness he’s apparently not allergic. But the screaming! I thought I’d see blood everywhere when he ran inside and I ran out of the bathroom, or, like, a missing limb. Nope, just two little red pin-prick marks, one on a finger, one on an elbow. That wasp poison is scary evil.

  11. I’m still laughing about the difference between you and the wasp. I’m glad your head is still attached!

  12. Oh, and I think the outfit is quite appropriate compared to the misery you could have suffered.

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