Most days, I listen to ESPN Radio’s Mike and Mike show during my morning commute. The show itself is fine: They discuss the hot sports topics of the day in a generally inoffensive, if somewhat bland manner. As a white male in his thirties, I’m probably right in the middle of the show’s target demographic. That’s why I’m a little taken aback by the commercials that play during the show.
The first commercial is for Sport Clips. If you’re not familiar with Sport Clips, they’re a chain of hair salons for men. While I couldn’t find a clip of the radio commercial online, I did find a TV spot that was basically the same thing:
When I first heard the commercial, it seemed almost like a parody. I can imagine a few people sitting around Sport Clips’ corporate office trying to come up with the perfect commercial.
“Okay, so we’re trying to appeal to men. What do men like?”
“Yes! Good! What else?”
“So how about we come up with a commercial where we make it seem like getting a haircut is a sport somehow? And we can make it seem like a near-sexual experience with hot women giving shampoo massages!”
“And we’ll imply that thanks to our haircuts, guys will somehow get a raise or be able to ask a girl out!”
“You know what? That doesn’t sound like a commercial to me. That sounds like a license to print money!”
The commercial has gotten me thinking: Maybe I should give Sport Clips a try. Then, I’ll have the confidence to ask for a big raise at work. (“Well, your work has been shoddy…BUT that’s a mighty fine haircut. Raise approved!”) Next, I’ll go out and buy that Jaguar convertible I’ve always wanted. (“Sorry kids, the minivan had to go. Daddy’s having a midlife crisis.”) Finally, I’ll work up the nerve to ask out that hot girl at work.
I’m obviously kidding about that last one; None of my female co-workers are attractive. (Yes, this may be a test to see if any of my co-workers are reading this.)
This provides me a handy segue to discuss another frequent ad spot: The one for a local divorce lawyer. (Sorry, I can’t recall the firm’s name offhand.) It features a guy who vaguely sounds like Mr. Rogers talking about steps and precautions for men to take if they’re in the midst of divorce proceedings.
I have learned a few helpful tips in case Mrs. Cutter ever decides to leave: Document my belongings with video, change my passwords, and DO NOT get lured into a confrontation. Although if I avoid confrontations, how would I be able to tell Mrs. Cutter that everything was her fault? (I mean, it couldn’t possibly be my fault, right?)
So there you have it: According to my radio habits, I’m overly into sports and sex, and I may need a divorce lawyer. That’s kind of sad, so I’ll cheer myself up by looking at a few posts from the archives:
Hmmm…perhaps radio advertisers know me better than I know myself.